


Happy Little Family

by Wasthatapun



Series: Walter Kids [2]
Category: Steam Powered Giraffe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-27
Updated: 2013-03-26
Packaged: 2017-12-06 15:21:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wasthatapun/pseuds/Wasthatapun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robots shouldn’t even be able to hiccup, but then they shouldn’t be run by a portal and a void directly tied to the very fabric of reality either. And when Hatchworth and The Jon get the hiccups at the same time things get REALLY interesting.<br/>Written by me and the amazing Duessa, who insists she can’t write but is proven wrong by her contribution to this fic <3</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Just like most of the really strange things that happen at Walter Manor, it all started with a case of hiccups.

Or rather, two cases.

Somehow, The Jon and Hatchworth had never before gotten a case of the hiccups at the same time, and the rest of the household prayed that it would never ever happen again. Because it led to possibly one of the strangest situations the manor had ever faced.

Robots shouldn’t even be able to hiccup, but then they shouldn’t be run by a portal and a void directly tied to the very fabric of reality either. When The Jon and Hatchworth hiccupped at the same time, everyone held their breath because they could almost see the ripples as they made their way through reality. There was a pause and everyone let out a sigh of relief when it appeared nothing had changed.

The Jon looked around himself, under the couch cushions, behind the couch, then settled back down with a sigh. “Nothing changed. Good, that could have been *HIC* bad.”

Rabbit nodded. “Y-Y-yeah, was a bit scared for a sec there but it looks like— “

There was a soft thump, then the sound of shattering and everyone froze. A small voice muttered “oops” out in the hall, and they all exchanged looks because it wasn’t a voice any of them recognized.

They all watched the doorway, expecting a head to peer around the corner — and one did. But it was shorter and rounder than anyone expected, and only about eleven years old.

“I s-s-swear I di’n mean to!” 

He was human, mostly, but there were copper vents on his pale peach cheeks and a metal arrow accenting his nose, and his eyes, while human, were mismatched blue and green, reminding everyone of Rabbit. The overall shape of his face, his eyes, his poofy hair all instead conjoured a likeness to Michael. There was a collective blink of confusion.

“An it was K-kinda his fault too, anyways!” He insisted, glancing off to the side.

Another head appeared slowly and nervously around the doorframe, this one entirely metal and very very closely resembling none other than a child version of The Spine.

 

Hatchworth hiccupped quietly; somewhere a bowl of petunias came into existence and immediately regretted it.

 

“It really W-w-was’a accident…”

The kid muttered as he shuffled into the room, giving them all a better look at him. The rest of him was an even more hodge-podge mix of robot and human. The blue glow of a core shining just visible over the edge of his tophidden further by a pair of goggles dangling from his neck. His neck and one arm were robotic copper while the other was pale and human. He played nervously with the hem of his purple tanktop, eyes downcast and shifting nervously from one foot to the other looking nervous and guilty.

 

As they stared, The Jon was first to speak, quietly muttering, “Uh oh…” as he pulled a pillow from behind him to hide under.

There was a general wave of confused murmurs.

“Is that…”

“Are those…”

“Kids?”

“Dude.”

The boy watched them, his nervous frown becoming a pout until he finally spoke up, “I’m RIGHT HERE ya know!” crossing his arms and giving a huff of steam.

Sam sputtered, “Yes, we noticed! Who are you?! Where did you come from?! Where are your parents?!”

The boy looked mildly hurt but drew himself up as straight as he could “I’M Rabel! And I came from him!” He pointed at The Jon who tried to fit more of himself behind the pillow. “An’ my parents are r-right there, duh!” he pointed out Rabbit and Michael as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. They both choked, Rabbit gaping in disbelief while Michael was caught somewhere between elation over parenthood and complete confusion over the circumstances. All he could manage to get out was, “Heh. Dude, he’s got your stutter.” 

Rabel’s bravado vanished instantly. “Only a little…” He pouted. 

Michael was across the room in an instant, wrapping the half-bot in a hug.

“Aawww, come on, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s cute! You’re just…A bit of a shock is all.”

Rabel didn’t look up at first, staring instead at his feet. Finally he turned his mismatched eyes up to Michael’s and smiled back, arms coming up to return the hug happily.

“Hey where’d the other one go?” Steve asked, craning his neck and leaning over the couch arm to try and see farther into the hall.

 

The Jon hiccuped behind him; all the apples in the kitchen spontaneously became oranges.

 

Rabel untangled himself from his ‘father’s’ grip and back-stepped into the hall. “Oh he’s just shy! Com’on! Ya gotta come out so’s they can meet you too!”

Somewhere in the hallway, there was a sharp clomp on the floor and then silence. Rabel threw his head back and sighed dramatically. He disappeared into the hallway and after a short scuffle with plenty more stomping and clomping, Rabel reappeared, dragging along a very unwilling miniature Spine — though the bot’s resemblance to his titanium ‘father’ seemed to disappear right at the waist. Instead of two normal, albeit metal legs, the group found themselves staring at four very horse-like robotic ones. The picture was completed by a dark, spine-shaped tail curled indignantly between the little bot’s hind legs.

“Dude.” Said Michael, again, as eloquent as always.

 

Now forced into the open the miniature Spine-taur looked anxiously around before attempting, unsuccessfully, to hide behind Rabel who simply rolled his eyes. He circled back behind the equine bot and shoved him forward a step

“Ya gotta tell ‘em your name too, silly!”

The Spine-taur frowned and shook his head, snorting a little.

“Well, do ya hava name? ‘Cause I gots no idea what it is.” Rabel propped his head against his wrist, elbow on the bot’s flank.

The yet-to-be-named robot stamped a glowing hoof twice on the floor, the sound echoing around the room. He pouted, almost scowling, at the wide-eye gazes from the seven adults in the room.

“Um. Does he talk?” Steve piped up, his curiosity overcoming the weirdness of the situation.

“Well how would I know?!” Rabel shrugged.

Steve blinked. Well, the kid had him there.

“Hows’ about Junior? Ya like that? Can we calls ya Junior?”

The pouting bot paused and then slowly nodded, gazing up at The Spine. He tilted his head at his father-figure, then took a quick step forward, sending Rabel sprawling on the floor. ‘Junior’ took this opportunity to dart over and cling to The Spine’s legs, hiding his little titanium face in the dark fabric of the larger robot’s trousers.

Rabel indignantly brushed himself off. “Jeeze, thanks,” he grumbled in the retreating bot’s direction. Michael was already lending a hand.

The Spine clumsily pried his leg free to kneel next to Junior, giving him an encouraging smile. “Hey now, you’re okay, chief.” He pouted, hiding his face in The Spines vest; he wrapped an arm around the smaller bot and patted his back reassuringly.

Hatchworth and The Jon hiccuped in unison again, another ripple passing through reality and Steve felt a weight suddenly materialize on the open part of the couch between him and The Jon. Steve closed his eyes, not exactly sure he wanted to turn, but he did anyway. Another child, this one tiny, barely older than a toddler stared up at Steve with wide blue eyes. He briefly turned to The Jon, then resolutely sat facing forward again, clutching a familiar crocheted plush to his chest.

Lil’ Steve looked somewhere between amused and completely befuddled, or at least as much as his cloth face was able to show. “I was taking a nap six seconds ago and have no idea how I got here,” he announced as the boy hugged him harder and tugged the bandanna from his curly haired head over his eyes as if trying to hide, much like the Art Deco robot to his side.

For the most part his appearance was human, skin the same tone as Steve’s but eyes just a little too bright to be natural and skin marked with black tattoo-like lines in a manner not unlike The Jon’s plate design. His hair was the same dark brown as Steve’s but a bouncy curly mess just like The Jon’s. This day just kept getting stranger.

“Uhh, okay. Who are you?” Steve questioned, leaning forward in an attempt to catch the boy’s eyes. 

He peeked out from under the too big bandana. “…’m Jeeves…” he muttered.

Steve exchanged a glance with The Jon and sighed as he slid off the couch to kneel in front of Jeeves.

Rabel snorted a laugh, earning a quick buffet over the head from Michael. Rabbit just bit back a chuckle, finally coming out of his stupor. Rabel shot a quick triumphant grin in the copper bot’s direction.

“I kinda can guess but, who are your parents?” Steve asked, putting a hand gently on Jeeves’ shoulder.

Jeeves didn’t respond, sliding the bandana back to its proper place on his head and looking between him and The Jon.

“MY money’s on you an’ Goldie,” Lil Steve grumbled, wriggling in the tight grip till he’d worked himself free. The boy pouted and wriggled into The Jon’s lap, scooching under his arm until The Jon’s hiding pillow fell to the floor. Jeeves smiled as he was pulled into a hug and cradled against The Jon’s chest.

Lil’ Steve cackled, jutting a crocheted arm at Steve’s face. “You got a kid, With him!”

Steve batted the toy so it fell back on the couch. “Be nice or I shut you in the dresser again.”

Lil’ Steve glared at his larger counterpart and decided to wisely sit quiet. 

Hatchworth, silent until now, simulated clearing his throat. “Well. I’m sure these children are hungry.” To Hatchworth, everyone was always hungry, especially children.

Rabel grabbed Michael’s hand and pulled him, knowing instantly which way the kitchen was. Sam gazed from one improbable child to the next and rubbed his face with a weary sigh.

“At least that’s it?” he questioned hopefully, Hatchworth shrugged.

The others mumbled and nodded their agreements as they made their way to the kitchen. The Jon stood up, shifting Jeeves onto his hip, but the child started squirming, arms stretched towards Steve.

“Papa! Cawwy me!” Li’l Steve snickered and Rabbit grinned slyly. The sound engineer stared blankly until Jeeves repeated his demand a little louder and much shrill. The Jon cracked a grin and held him out at arm’s length until Steve hesitantly accepted the wriggling bundle. 

“WAIT!” Jeeves shrieked and Steve nearly jumped out of his skin. He had just picked the kid up, what could he have possibly done wrong already?! “Where’s Wi’w Steebe?!”

Li’l Steve sighed, hopped from the couch, and shimmied up Steve’s pants leg into the waiting arms of Jeeves. This time it was Steve’s turn to laugh.

 

Seven adults and three improbable, impossible children crowded in the kitchen as Sam and Hatchworth made sandwiches and distributed cups of juice. The Jon found a phone book for Jeeves to sit on. (“Why do we even have one of those?” muttered Michael.) Rabbit found himself sitting next to Rabel, who was swinging his legs as he animatedly discussed all his favorite snacks. The Spine was left trying to figure out just how the heck you wrestle a four-legged child into a chair, but Junior seemed content enough to stand next to the table instead, though never far from The Spine.

 

Everyone seemed to be making the best out the awkward situation and the chatter had even settled to something resembling comfortable when The Jon and Hatchworth again hiccupped in unison.

A fourth child was suddenly sitting at the table across from Rabbit and Rabel, calmly eating a sandwich that had appeared with him The orange hair, peachy skin, and bronze cheek plates clearly pointed towards the “parents” in this case, a trickle of steam curling from the small stove pipe on his bowler hat.

Everyone stared at the newcomer, who paused to shrug. “Yeah, I don’t get it either.” He took another bite of his sandwich.

“Um,” Sam began hoarsely.

“Ham.”

“Wha—”

“That’s my name.”

Hatchworth wiped his face with a dishcloth and released a gentle puff of steam. He folded his hands and smiled. “Well! Hello, Ham.”

The child now called Ham waved a hand. “Hey dad.” Sam looked paler than usual. “And other dad,” he added, waving to Sam.

Rabel sat up and started laughing, only to get a disapproving look from Michael. 

Deciding to change tactics, he turned his mismatched eyes up at Rabbit. 

“Pappy! Can I h-have some ice creams?”

Rabbit gasped, his photoreceptors growing wide. The Spine groaned. So did Junior.

“A-a-a-a’ course ya can!” At this moment, Rabbit would have lifted a whole ice cream van to this kid. And Rabel knew it.

“Nah uh. You can’t have sugar,” Ham declared with more authority than an eleven-year-old should have. “You’re hyperactive.”

It’s hard to tell who was more crestfallen, Rabbit or Rabel. 

“B-b-but Pappyyyyyy!” Oh yes, he already knew too emphasize that stutter. Rabbit glanced at Michael.

“Hey, don’t look at me!” Michael lifted his hands, taking a step back.

“You’re not allowed!” Ham asserted, crossing his arms.

Rabel shot a glare at him, sticking out his tongue. “Aw shaddup, Easy Bake!”

On the other side of the table, Jeeves laid his head on his arms and looked at Lil Steve, rolling his eyes dramatically. “Hewe dey go again.” he muttered. 

Junior snorted and nodded his agreement.

Ham’s stovepipe whistled angrily and he stood up, hands flat on the table. “You first, Copperbutt!”

“Make me!”

“BOYS.” The Spine’s booming voice instantly ended that argument and both boys sunk back into their chairs with hunched shoulders. The Spine sighed.

There was one final hiccup from Hatchworth and the oranges turned into lemons and promptly exploded, sending lemonade spraying over the kitchen.

The children cheered. The adults groaned. Li’l Steve called for an encore.


	2. Chapter 2

The evening was spent getting to know their new children, which was exhausting in and of itself. Rabel proved to be the loudest and the unofficial leader of the group while Ham was the voice of reason (usually). Junior remained shy around the adults, instead preferring to hide behind one of the “older” children. Jeeves had obviously gotten The Jon’s knack for getting his way. Li’l Steve never had a chance.

Bath time proved an entirely new adventure. The Spine spent a good thirty minutes chasing Junior down with a buffing rag. Ham and Rabel were less trouble, though Rabel insisted on bringing at least three toy ships into the tub with him, along with one of Rabbit’s captain’s hats. Jeeves was an entirely different story altogether.

 

“There is no way you’re getting me in there, kid.” Lil Steve announced, standing on the counter and gesturing to the filling bath.

“Wew of couwse not! You’d get aw sowked!” Jeeves retorted, tiny hands on hips as Steve tried to keep him still long enough to peel off the sticky lemonade-soaked jumpsuit.

“You’ve gotta give me a hand here, Jeeves,” Steve sighed as the wriggling toddler pulled out of his grip yet again to look at something else.

Jeeves paused, seemingly surprised he’d been causing trouble. “Sowwy Papa.” He pouted, coming to stand still with his hands out in front of the sound engineer.

Steve chuckled, finally able to undo the jumpsuit zipper and tug the child’s arms from the sleeveless top. 

“You don’t gotta be sorry, just stay still a second so I can get you cleaned up. Don’t want your hair to stay sticky do you?”

His eyes widened in shock “Oh no I dun wan dat!”

Steve couldn’t help but laugh. 

He tossed the soiled jumpsuit and bandana into the hall where Sam had been collecting all the children’s clothes to run through the wash.

“Papa, can I pway wi’t a wubbah duccky in dah tub?” he held out a rather large rubber duck wearing a top hat (Steve wasn’t entirely where the toy even came from) and stared with a pleading face.

“Of course you can, and I’m even putting bubbles in. You’ll like that.” Jeeves cheered as Steve scooped him up and settled him into the warm water. 

For the first time Steve had a chance to get a good look at his suddenly-existing son. He inspected Jeeves with both the critical eye of an engineer and the worried gaze of a parent, checking for any possible problems the meshing of human and robot anatomy could bring.

Unlike Ham and Rabel, Jeeves looked to be human all over, his skin the same tan as his Papa’s. The only real hint that he was something else was in the faint glow of his eyes and the ornate, vaguely art deco lines that ran all over his body. 

He gave the excitable tyke a few minutes to splash and play in the foamy water as Jeeves enthusiastically related the story of Captain Ducky and his fight against the dreaded sea dragon (played in this instance by the washcloth) and how he wasn’t really mean, he just hadn’t had a nap yet. So Captain Ducky made him nap then he was nice and let Jeeves ride on him and everyone was happy ever after.

As the elaborate tale came to an end and the water began to cool, Steve reminded him of their true purpose of giving him a bath. He obediently tilted his head back so Steve could rinse out his hair and raised his arms to be scrubbed off. Steve took advantage of Jeeves’ outstretched arms to swoop in and tickle his tummy, earning a joyous shriek. Laughter and the sounds of splashing filled the air as Jeeves wriggled about in the tub, flailing his chubby arms.

Steve’s laughter quickly cut off, however, as his fingers passed over Jeeves’ lined chest and a very resolute *click* sounded. Jeeves was still giggling as his dad stared in horror; the flesh on the tot’s chest folded impossibly over itself, revealing a frighteningly large and gaping black void. 

Steve stumbled backwards a bit, gaping like a fish until he remembered the nature of Jeeves’ “conception”. He crept forward again and gazed at the small void.

“Is … Is that a goldfish?”

Jeeves blinked his big eyes and looked down as a round fish lazily drifted about in the black emptiness.

“Wooks wike it!” he announced cheerfully, entirely too calmly for Steve’s taste. “An’ a sawsage!”

Steve blinked a few times and took a deep breath, because there was indeed an orange goldfish with a long swishing tail swimming around a small Vienna sausage. His child, who should not exist, was sitting in front of him with a goldfish and Vienna sausage, which also should not exist, in the hollow of the child’s chest, which most certainly should not exist. Jeeves grinned as he reached a hand in, the goldfish gently nipping at his fingers. Steve pinched the bridge of his nose and muttered The Jon’s name while biting back a few words not meant for such innocent ears. 

“All right. That’s— that’s enough of that for now.” He traced his fingertips around the void, searching for a trigger or button or something. He sighed as he heard the click and the skin smoothed over itself, leaving no trace of any anomaly. 

“Dat was cool, Papa!” Steve just groaned and reached over for the towel.

“Time to get out.”

“Aww!”

Steve lifted the protesting child out of the tub and set him on the floor, wrapping the fluffy towel around his small frame. He ruffled Jeeve’s wet hair and turned around to pull out the plug. Unfortunately for Steve, he had not yet learned one of the rules of parenting: never, ever, ever, ever turn your back on a naked toddler. He’d barely gotten hold of the plug’s chain when he heard the distressing sound of bare feet pattering quickly out of the room.

Jeeves rounded the corner, clutching the too-large towel around himself in both fists. “Hey guys! GUYS!”

Rabel and Ham turned as Jeeves came to a stop in the hallway and Junior peered out from a doorway.

“WOOKIT!” he cried as he pressed his palm to his chest, immediately finding the trigger to reopen the void. The older kids gasped and gathered around him, their eyes wide.

“Whoa!”

“Cool!”

“I-is that a Vienna sausage?”

“An’ a gowdfish!” Jeeves beamed.

Rabel crouched with his hands on his knees and squinted into the round portal. “W-we should name it.”

“What do you name a goldfish?” Ham asked, adjusting his glasses.

“Goldie?”

“Nah, that’s dumb.”

The goldfish approached the edge of its home and opened its mouth, blowing a small bubble out at the group of children. The bubbled drifted up and then made a small “bloop!” noise as it popped.

“I tink dat’s her name, guys,” Jeeves announced with a bright smile. “My fishie’s name is Bwoop!”

Ham nodded. “Cool.”

“Hey, let’s call the sausage Yummy,” suggested Rabel jokingly.

“No!” Jeeves gasped.

“How about we call it Yum for short?” asked Ham.

“Okay!”

Rabel reached out his human hand to try to touch the newly dubbed Bloop, but the hole snapped shut with a loud click before he could. 

“NO!” Jeeves cried. “It’s mine, guys, and it’s VEWY IMPOWTANT! So you’ve gotsa weave it awone!” With that, he turned on his heel and took off down hall, abandoning his towel at Rabel’s feet. His shouting echoed through the hall as he streaked buck naked through the manor, flailing his chubby arms. “DON’ NOBODY TOUCH MY GOWDFISH OR MY VANNA SAWSAGE, OKAY?!”

Rabbit’s head poked from a doorway, a confused frown on his oxidized face as the naked toddler sprinted past him. Sam strode out of the laundry room with a basket piled high with fresh laundry just as Jeeves headed his way. Without missing a beat, he turned the basket over, dumping the entire load on top of the wayward tot. Jeeves *eeped* as he disappeared under the clothes, resurfacing a second later just as a very weary Steve made his way into the hall.

“Hey, dis is warm!” Jeeves declared with a grin. Sam winked down at him, then raised an eyebrow at Steve. 

“I believe this is yours?”

“I slipped on a rubber duck,” Steve sighed. Half of his shirt was wet and suds clung to a few dreads. 

Sam chuckled.

Steve shook his head unable to keep from laughing himself and exclaiming ”GOTCHA!” Jeeves squealed as he was snatched up into Steve’s arms.

“Wook Papa I found my cwoves!” Jeeves announced excitedly holding up his blue jumpsuit as Steve wrapped him back in the towel and began trying to dry out the wayward terror’s hair.

“Good, we’ll know just where to find them when its time to get dressed in the morning, right now it’s bed time.” 

Jeeves groaned and went limp in Steve’s arms. “I dun wanna go ta beeedddddd. ‘m not een sweeepppyyyyy!” Sam chuckled as he stooped to pick up the laundry again.

Meanwhile, The Spine stood with a hand on his hip, the other cupping his chin as he frowned and pondered the complexities of the twin bed he and Rabbit had dragged into one of the spare rooms. Junior stood silently at his side, occasionally glancing up so he could make sure he was mimicking his father perfectly. Rabel bounced on the second bed in the room, giggling happily.

Junior had attempted to get into bed earlier, but its height paired with his four equine legs had made it an adventure to attempt and in the end he’d given up and dragged the blanket and pillows onto the ground instead, arranging them into a little nest for himself before settling down in a huff. The Spine was not about to let his child sleep on the floor if he could help it.

“Hey Rabbit,” The Spine called, “You got a hacksaw somewhere?”

Rabbit frowned in the adjacent room where he was currently helping Michael set up beds for Ham and Jeeves. After a pause, he responded, “Why? What-at-at did I do now?”

Spine sighed and covered his face with his palm. A second later, Junior was in the same pose.

“For the bed. The legs are too high.”

Michael laughed and Rabbit grinned. “Just a sec,” he called as he jogged off to get his toolbox, affectionately ruffling Jeeve’s damp curls as he passed by Steve.

A few minutes of sawing, several more minutes of arguing with Rabel on why he is not allowed to touch the saw, and a quick warm milk break courtesy of Hatchworth later, all of the children were tucked into their respective beds, Junior having remade his nest on his new, shorter bed. Which he found he had a much easier time getting into.

It seemed suddenly existing really took it out of a kid because they had barely any trouble getting the brood of impossible offspring to nod off.

Rabel drifted off almost instantly, curled on his side clutching a pillow in a tight hug. Across from him Junior took slightly more effort to get to sleep. It took a lot of shuffling and shifting before he’d finally found a position he seemed comfortable with, and even then he didn’t seem especially keen to see his father leave his side, clinging to his sleeve as The Spine rubbed his back with the other hand and muttered tuneless lullabies till the mechanical foal fell asleep.

Across the hall Ham had passed out almost instantly upon hitting the bed, sprawled across it with the blanket already tangled all around him. Jeeves had put up a fight, arguing even as his eyelids drooped and he’d clutched Lil Steve tighter to him, ultimately succumbing to his exhaustion and chewing on the unfortunate animate doll’s dreads in his sleep.

Steve and The Jon fought to fight back their laughter as Lil Steve glared up at them. “This is just disrespectful.” he grumbled, careful to keep his voice quiet so as not to risk waking either child up. 

Steve and The Jon had to leave the room for fear of laughing too loud.

 

They found the rest of the adults sprawled out in the same room the whole mess had started in and both collapsed into open chairs.

There was a collective sigh of relief as for one amazing second everything was silent.

They let the quiet last for a few more minutes until it was broken by Michael proclaiming “Mozel tov, it’s a boy!”

He was hit by pillow from three different directions.

“But seriously guys, we have KIDS. What are we gonna do?” he pushed the pillows off himself and sat up properly.

“Sorry,” muttered The Jon miserably. Hatchworth patted his brother’s back with a gentle smile. 

“My fault too,” he murmured.

“Well, it’s not like there was anything either of you could really do,” Michael said, sighing. “Which brings us back to ‘what are we going to do now?”

Sam cleared his throat as he pulled his hat off. “I really hate to ask, but how do we even know they’ll last? I mean, the tears in reality from both of your hiccups usually fade after a little while.” Michael and Rabbit visibly flinched and The Spine frowned deeply. 

“Uhh, I don’t think that’s going to happen,” The Jon said quietly, pressing a golden hand to his chest. “It kinda feels like they’re here to stay.”

“Well, gentlemen, it appears we are fathers, then,” Hatchworth announced with a twinkle in his eye.

“That’s actually…strangely reassuring.” Steve sighed. “Kid’s kinda a shock but…I’d hate for him to just, I dunno, stop existing out of nowhere. How horrible would that be?”

Rabbit shuddered.

“Then we should discuss what things they’re going to need,” The Spine spoke up, his responsibility programs apparently kicking in. “Food, clothing, uh…” He trailed off. What sort of things do humans need again?

“I’m sure w-w-w-we still got some’a Petey’s clothes boxed somewhere. Toys, too.”

“I think I can write up a list.”

“Thanks, Sam.” The Spine nodded, drumming his fingers on his leg.

“Dude, what about concerts? The sound booth isn’t exactly kid friendly, y’know. I can hardly handle Lil Steve always getting in there.”

“The manor hasn’t had a nanny in years. Maybe we’re off the childcare blacklist by now!” Rabbit grinned.

“That time with the peacocks,” The Jon groaned. There was a collective robotic shudder.

“Best show and tell ever, though,” Michael grinned.

“That brings up school. Ham and Rabel are old enough, but I don’t know about Junior… Do child robots even need/ school?” Steve leaned back in his seat, bringing his hands up to his face. He could feel some well-deserved “I told you so’s” coming from his parents.

“We’ll have to check his programming,” The Spine replied simply. 

“And I guess I could look up schools? That’ll be interesting.” And Michael had thought no one could top Six and his school years. 

“Wait, going back to Junior’s programming. The kid doesn’t talk. Or does he?” Steve looked at The Spine expectantly and the other followed suit. The titanium singer shifted in his seat. 

“I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with his programming.” The Spine straightened his tie, feeling suddenly strangely defensive. 

“Could be his voicebox,” Michael mused.

“Pretty sure I heard him laughin’, but I-I-I’m sure there’s no harm in checkin’.”

Hatchworth watched The Spine for a moment and then smiled reassuringly. “I am sure the lad is just fine.”

“Jeeves has a space-time rift,” Steve blurted. “In his chest. And, and a goldfish. …And a Vienna sausage.”

There was a moment of stunned silence before everyone turned their heads towards The Jon, who once again was trying to hide under a pillow.

“Did ya already know about that, Tha Jon?”

The golden robot just meekly nodded his head.

“That’ll outdo anything me or Peter managed to do in school.” Michael got another pillow thrown at him. “Hey!”

“I believe young Ham also possesses a hatch and portal similar to mine,” Hatchworth admitted.

“Hey, I get the Easy Bake comment now!” There weren’t any more pillows this time, save The Jon’s unsuccessful hiding spot.

“So-so-so we got two kids, kids, with immediate access ta rifts what could cause the warping or destruction of reality?”

“Yep.”

“We should invest in a LOT of duct tape.”

“Prett-tty sure tapin’ their cores shut ain’t gonna work, Steve.”

“We’ll just have to have a talk with them and hope for the best. If it doesn’t work out, who’ll know?” 

“Sam.”

“I’m just saying!” Sam shrugged.

“Ssssay what?” The Jon piped up.

“NO!” everyone yelled, then instantly turned their heads towards the children’s bedrooms.

 

The humans held their breath. The Spine pretended he needed to. After several moments of silence, the group sighed in relief.

“Well, I think we’ve all had a long, long day,” Michael said a bit quieter than before as he stood to stretch his back. The others nodded in agreement. “We’ll start getting supplies tomorrow and I’ll help you take a look at Jun—” 

A soft clip-clopping at the doorway quickly shut Michael up. The Spine stood and walked over to where Junior hid, peering nervously into the room. “Hey buddy, everything okay?”

The little centaur bot gripped The Spine’s pants leg and gestured at his chest and stomach. The Spine frowned and tilted his head.

“Ooh, I love charades!” announced The Jon. Rabbit sighed loudly and was instantly hushed.

“Uh, you having a malfunction?”

Junior quickly shook his head and The Spine bit back a small sigh of relief. “You need something?” This time the boy nodded. He curled his hands around something not there. The Spine just looked further confused and glanced at the others.

“Is it a movie?” offered Michael.

“You’ve had your joke limit for the n-night.”

Junior tried making the gesture again, raising his hands up to his face. The Spine shook his head.

“If you need something you need to tell me son, can you?”

Junior scowled and stamped a hoof in frustration, causing everyone to flinch at the noise. He squeezed his eyes shut and puffed a distressingly small wisp of steam from his cheeks, then pointed to it with an almost accusing look on his small face.

“Water!” Both The Spine and Rabbit chorused, the latter chuckling. The Spine took Junior’s hand with a gentle smile and started to lead him towards the kitchen. 

“Right. We’ll get you a spare water bottle to put in your room and then it’s straight back to bed.” Junior nodded quickly, eyes wide.

“Good night, guys.” 

“‘Night!”

The rest of the band exchanged grins and then all made their ways to very welcoming beds. This was going to be a long week.


	3. Chapter 3

“FIRE!” Rabel slammed his fist down on the end of his spoon, sending a froot loop sailing through the air.

“That’s not how cannons work!”

“Wiw Stebbe No! Not my ceweal!” Jeeves admonished as the doll took a running jump onto the spoon handle to return fire.

It had barely been a week since the four children had come into existence because of a fluke interaction between Hatchworth and The Jon’s cores and yet somehow the household had settled into a strange rhythm that made it feel as if they had always been there. Not to say things had gotten any less hectic, especially when it came to mornings and breakfast.

The breakfast table rocked as Junior brought his open palms down with a resounding thump. Rabel and Ham paused their plastic straw sword fight to look over at the centaur bot. He frowned and pressed his hands over where he would have ears. Rabel giggled.

“Sorry.”

Ham slouched back onto his seat and brushed a small marshmallow off his shoulder. The table was covered in small pools of juice and milk and littered with various cereals. Li’l Steve wore a measuring cup on his head like a helmet and brandished a butter knife. Jeeves busied himself drawing swirls and circles in a milk puddle. The floor also showed evidence of the great Breakfast Pirate Battle. Junior snorted and swirled his down-facing fist in the air and then pointed towards the window.

Ham nodded in apparent agreement. “Junior’s right. Let’s clean up and then go play outside.”

Rabel rolled his eyes and slumped in his chair. “Uuugh, can’t we do it later?”

“Now, please,” Hatchworth said as he bustled past the breakfast nook, pausing to drop a washcloth in the middle of the mess.

 

Though they had not found anything wrong either with his programming or voice box, Junior still did not talk, instead communicating with hand gestures, hoof stamps, and the occasional sigh or groan. The children seemed to have no problem understanding him and the adults were quickly catching on as well.

It was at that moment that Steve came walking through the kitchen, talking animatedly on the phone.

He paused just long enough to give Jeeves a kiss on the forehead and a ruffle of his hair. Shooting Lil Steve an ‘I’m watching you’ hand gesture as he kept talking.

“No mom, I… Mom you’re not listening to me! There’s no girl. I didn’t knock anybody up! Mom! The other parent’s not even a girl its a robot…No, I’m not drunk….C’mon, mom, how many times do I have to expl— I work for the Walters, remember? This is actually kind of normal… Or well, yeah it’s weird, but like in a cool way! Remember that Christmas I came home and my dreads had turned into dragons? Yeah it’s like that…no…yes…honestly, we have no idea. Well, the doll likes him, yeah that one. The one that looks like me and talks. … Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you’d like him. No, not the doll.” Steve continued talking as he grabbed an orange and walked back out. The children all watched him leave, then turned to each other to share a giggle.

 

“What does ‘knock uwp’ mean?” Jeeves questioned.

“Eat your cereal, kid,” Li’l Steve grunted, adjusting his bandana.

“But you waunched it all acwoss dah table!”

The crochet curiosity had the decency to look mildly embarrassed. 

“Oh yeah. WELP. Might as well head outside then!”

He hopped across the table, swinging around a chair back and landing on Junior’s flank. Junior turned back to glare at him disapprovingly as he took hold of one of Junior’s spines and shouted “ONWARD MIGHTY STEED! TO VICTORY!!”

“Yeah!” Rabel tossed down his rag and leapt out of his chair, ignoring the fact that only half the job was actually done. He was already out the room and heading for the door before anyone else even managed to stand up. Junior trotted after him, begrudgingly giving Li’l Steve a ride. Ham was left to dump the dishes in the sink, but was quickly shooed away by his bronze-plated father. 

Michael was on the back porch idly strumming his banjo. He caught his automatonic offspring as he whizzed past, pulling him into a hug. “And what are you trouble makers up to huh?” he teased, ruffling the boys hair.

“WET’S HAVE A HOWSE ADVENTUWE!!” Jeeves shouted as he hopped down the steps, Junior skipping after him, his hooves making a beat on the hardwood floor.

“Ah!” Michael grinned at his son. “Well everyone loves a horse adventure! Tally ho?”

Rabel carefully schooled his features, turning his face away dramatically. “Naw, I dun wanna play that.”

“Oh really, and why not.”

Rabel fought not to grin. “Cause Junior c-cheats at horse adventure.”

As if on cue Ham came ambling out of the kitchen. “Junior is horse adventure,” he quipped.

On the grass, Junior rolled his eyes.

“Oh well in that case!” all three children shouted together “TALLY HO!”

“ONWARDS TO VALHALA!!!” Lil Steve demanded, trying to spur on his glaring mount.

“You know he’s gonna buck you and no won wiw be supwised.” Jeeves pointed out blandly.

Junior nodded agreement, Lil Steve grumbled and slid off.

 

The rest of the morning flew by with one imagined adventure blurring into the next. Horse adventure became pirates became dragons became cowboys became pilots as fluffy clouds gathered in the sky.

Mid-adventure Rabel paused, noticing them.

“Heh. H-Hey guys lookit, the cloud looks like a dragon!” All eyes turned skyward.

“Looks more like a dog to me.” Ham pointed out, adjusting his glasses.

“Ya gotta tilt y-your head a lil more.” Rabel responded, plopping onto the grass with his legs crossed to stare up at the passing clouds.

Ham did so. “Oh I see it now, cool”

Jeeves was already in a heap in the grass from tumbling around. “Dat ones a fishie!”

“He’s right.” Rabel agreed

Junior settled next to Jeeves with a *thump* as he flopped onto the grass nibbling absently at a daisy. He nodded in agreement: it did kind of look like a fish.

Ham let out a content sigh as he dropped his hat beside him and lay back in the grass, arms behind his head, and stared up at the clouds.

“Wiw Stebbe, whewe do cwouds come fwom?” Jeeves asked absently, braiding a bunch of flowers together into a chain Junior was eying hungrily.

“Well, ya see, kid.” The animate doll started to pace on the child’s chest, “Sometimes people make too much of certain snacks, like cotton candy or marshmallows, and you really have to keep your eye on those when you’re making them because before they cool they’re really light, so some of them get away and float up into the sky. And that’s where clouds come from.”

“Weawy?” Jeeves asked, voice filled with aww.

“Would I lie to you, kid?”

“Y-yeah you would,” Rabel pointed out, still sitting cross-legged, staring at the sky. “Clouds are just like our steam.” He gestured to a wisp trailing from his own cheek vents to illustrate, “But it stays up in the sky instead of blowing away.”

Li’l Steve huffed. “My story was better.”

A pair of arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a tight hug 

“Its okay, Wiw Stebbe. I still wiked youw stowy.”

“Thanks kid, glad to hear it.”

“I gotta admit, Rabel,” Ham murmered, “Watching the clouds is actually really fun.”

“I kn-know right? Kinda calming, huh?” He flopped back onto his back with a dull *thump* to stare at the sky some more.

He let out a sigh, watching as steam escaped his cheek vents and drifted into the sky above him.

Then he felt something…

shift.

His thoughts started to fuzz and something felt rather decidedly off.

He thought about getting up but found his body was refusing to respond to him.

“Hey guys? Guys I feel… kinda…funny.” His words pattered off into a hushed breath as his mind blanked.

At first his cousins didn’t notice, thinking he was simply enjoying the day like they were. 

Ham continued to watch as the clouds drifted by, Jeeves kept adding flowers to his chain which had grown to a surprising length while Junior chewed on the other end of it.

“Hey, look, that one looks like a pirate ship,” Ham mused, patting Rabel on the shoulder.

There was no response.

Ham pushed himself up onto his elbows, putting his hat back on and turning to look at his quiet companion.

“Hey Rabel, you okay?”

There was still no answer; Rabel was caught in a haze, staring blankly into the distance.

“Rabel, say something.”

“Hhmmm~?” he hummed softly, not really reacting otherwise.

By then Junior and Jeeves had noticed and moved closer. 

“Wat’s wong, Ham?”

“I dunno. Rabel, can you hear me?”

There was a vacant smile on Rabel’s lips. It widened the slightest bit. 

“Hheeee~”

Junior gently moved Ham aside, bending down and moving his hand slowly in front of Rabel’s gaze. Rabel didn’t react. Junior looked worriedly at Ham.

“Yeah, he’s not okay. Somebody go in and get help.”

Jeeves didn’t bother going inside. He opened his mouth and hollered the way only a 4 year old can.

“PAPA! DADDY! SOMEFIN’S WONG WIF WABEL!”

Michael and Steve never knew they could move so quickly.

Wide eyed and out of breath, Michael made it to them first.

“What’s wrong?!”

Ham shook his head as Michael pulled his son into his arms. 

Rabel blinked dazedly as his body hit the right angle and there was another shift inside him.

“Daddy?”

“You okay kiddo? What happened, you kinda scared me.”

Rabel shook his head, shaking the last of the haze from his mind.

“I-I-I dun-nno. I j-just layed d-d-down an then I-I-I couldn’t move or th-th-think or nothin.”

Michael hugged him tighter, sliding an arm under Rabel’s knees and huffing as he stood. Rabel was a twiggy thing but he was still heavy because of his robotic parts, and Michael could only just lift him.

“We’ll go in and take a look and I’m sure everything will be just fine,” He muttered soothingly, and Rabel nodded, resting his head on his father’s shoulder.

Just as he turned to head inside, Steve came running out, having been much further in the house when he’d heard Jeeves shout.

Out of breath, he put his hands on his knees and sucked in a deep breath. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?!”

Jeeves tugged on his Papa’s pants leg. “Is Wabel dying?”

Steve’s eyes widened as he picked up his own child and rested him on his hip. “What happened??!”

Michael shook his head and shrugged. “We’re not sure yet, but I’m gonna go in and find out. And no, Rabel is most certainly not going to die, Jeeves.”

Rabel made a nervous noise into the purple tank top.

“You’re fine I promise, probably just a little glitch. Nothing to worry about,” he insisted, even though he wasn’t at all sure himself.

 

It took both Michael and Steve a solid 10 minutes to get the rest of the children out of the workshop so that Michael could actually take a look at him, a bit of worry shooting through him as he had the boy lay back on the work table and he almost instantly fell into the same dazed, trance-like state.

They all stayed huddled at the door, waiting worriedly to find out what was wrong. Steve returned with Rabbit in tow and they all crowded around trying to get back into the workshop to see how he was doing but Steve herded them away again.

“Don’t you worry Rabel Pappy’s here!” Rabbit announced as the child was suddenly wrapped in a tight hug from his mechanical father.

“I-I-I’m ok-kay Pappy. Da-addy figured it ou-ou-out.”

Rabbit squeezed him tighter, the stutter giving away the boy’s lingering insecurities. He turned questioning mismatched optics to Michael, who smiled reassuringly.

“He’s okay, just a little thing we didn’t notice before.” He flattened the paper he’d been showing his son on the work table before them. Over the last week they’d given each of the kids a thorough looking over and created detailed schematics of their inner workings just for situations like this.

“Looks like there’s a little problem with the way your boiler works - tilt it at just the right angle, which would be lying flat on your back, and it can’t produce enough power for you to function on anything more than the most basic level. You’re fine, just zoned out.”

Rabbit looked closer at the schematics, his face falling. “Hey, dats dah same problem I used tah have, but it got fixed forever ago.” He looked down at his son. “Looks like dis is your ‘ol Pappy’s fault sport.”

“I-I’m fine Pappy I promise! It was kinda restful anyway.”

Michael grinned as the boy tried to brush off all concerns “Well me and your uncles will see if there’s anything we can do to fix it. You just need to be careful not to end up like that again if no one’s around to sit you back up again. It won’t hurt anything but you’d be stuck.”

There was a giggle and they turned.

Three sets of eyes were peeking through the door. It had been Ham who’d giggled. “W-whats so funny, E-e-e-e-easy-Bake?”

“You’re like a bunny rabbit! I was watching animal planet and they had a thing about bunnies and if you hold them on their back they go into…” he paused, trying to remember the term. “Tonic Immobility, that was it, they zone out just like you!”

Junior giggled and held two fingers up above his head, like rabbit ears.

“Shaddap, Bambi.”

Junior responded by sticking his tongue out.

Jeeves shoved his way past, Lil Steve clutched under one arm as he rushed forward and tackled Rabel in a hug.

“YOU’WE NOT DYING YAY!”

“I told you kids he was fine. Now come on, it’s lunch time. Let’s get you all fed.” Michael began shepherding them toward the kitchen, Rabbit effortlessly picking Rabel up for a piggy back ride.


	4. Chapter 4

Lunch was a simple affair, but it was no less exhausting for the suddenly-parents. The Spine and Sam were on hand to at least attempt to keep the rowdy foursome under control, but that didn’t stop them from idly wishing that all children experienced tonic immobility once in a while. The Spine ducked as an ice cube sailed past his head and he let out a weary baritone sigh. 

“Heh, does anyone else find this ironic?” Ham asked, pointing to his ham sandwich.

“No, I find that a sandwich,” replied Rabel cockily as he chewed on his own lunch.

“You’re gonna find a knuckle sandwich in a minute,” Ham muttered.

Junior nickered as he continued to nibble on the flower chain Jeeves had made him earlier, the rest of the chain draped around his neck like a scarf as he switched between sipping his water and chewing on his preferred treat.

“Unca Spine, I don’t wike dis!” Jeeves shoved his plate away with a dramatic frown. 

“You haven’t even tasted it yet.” Spine wasn’t exactly experienced yet in the way of picky eaters or fussy toddlers.

“I still don’t wike it!”

“You liked ham sandwiches just fine two days ago.”

“NOT TODAY.” ‘Okay,’ thought The Spine, ‘tantrum levels rising.’

“At least try it?”

Jeeves slumped in his chair and rattled a loud sigh. “FINE.” He sat up and pulled the plate back towards himself, paused, and then dumped the whole thing on the floor

“OH UNCA SA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM! I dwopped my sammich on da floow!”

Sam leaned away from the sink, another piece of his soul dying. Another one. No. He could swear he heard The Jon giggling somewhere in the distance, though it was probably Rabel, Ham, and Junior. The trio were quickly hushed by a glare from The Spine.

Sam walked over, retrieved the sandwich, and promptly tossed it into the garbage. He knelt down on one knee next to Jeeves, getting eye level with the tot.

“Okay, Jeeves, we’re doing this once. Once. Next time you’re eating off the floor.”

Jeeves did not even bother to hide his pride, little legs swinging from his phone book booster. “Okay! C’n I have a peanut buttew ‘n jewwy sammich?”

Sam nodded and stood. “Remember, no dropping it on the floor this time.”

“I pwomise.”

The rest of lunch went fairly well, save for the point when Li’l Steve ended up half-covered in peanut butter, but wouldn’t say how or why it happened. Sam was cleaning up and Steve was arguing with Jeeves on why he wasn’t allowed to join Li’l Steve in the washing machine when Junior gasped and stamped his hooves on the floor. He pointed at the window, eyes wide.

Outside, a light drizzle had begun to fall, pattering gently on the window pane. The other children rushed over and pressed their faces to the glass.

“Wook it’s waining!”

“Wow!”

“C-can we go play in it, pleeeeeease?!” Four pairs of eyes stared up at The Spine, pleading. He chuckled and nodded.

“But you have to make sure to dry off extra good wh—” He sighed. They’d already fled the kitchen without a glance back.

The children had been brought into existence already knowing much of what they would need to for their relative ages, but they still had not experienced nearly all of it.

They all knew what rain was and they all knew it was normal, but none of the four had ever seen it and water falling for the sky just sounded so amazing.

They nearly bowled The Jon over trying to get to the door as quickly as possible. Junior giddily bounced from hoof to hoof, prancing about in little half circles until he could make it out the doorway and literally leap down the steps. 

They raced about the yard, squealing, laughing, and tumbling over the wet grass as their parents watched from the window and the doorway. Jeeves tried to catch raindrops on his tongue, his little arms stretched out to keep from falling. Ham and Rabel raced about, flicking water at each other — at least until they discovered mud. The Spine and Sam groaned, but couldn’t bring themselves to stop them. Well, at least until they tried to feed Jeeves a mud pie. That idea was quickly squashed.

Rabel looked up from the muddy puddle he was stomping in and nudged Ham, giggling.

“Hey, check out Bambi.” The reference to a movie he’d never watched was fairly accurate: Junior bounded through the slick grass, jumping high in the air and lifting all his hooves off the ground before effortlessly repeating the move. He leapt over one of the few toys strewn about the yard and then sprung up, kicking his back hooves in the air. Jeeves laughed and abandoned the mound of mud he’d been piling to instead chase after his cousin. Junior startled, not realizing anyone had been watching him and quickly zig-zagged away to hide behind a bush.

The adults chuckled at the show, glancing over at The Spine who was beaming in a way he’d likely refuse to admit. 

Michael finally called the kids in as the air started to become more chilly. Junior trotted up with a very sleepy Jeeves on his back and all were ushered into a nice warm bath. Afterwards, Jeeves was put down for a nap as Rabel and Ham got a snack in the kitchen. Junior sat nearby, patiently allowing Steve to work out any mud that managed to get between his panels. The manor itself seemed to sigh contently in the comfortable lull while the rain continued to come down outside. 

Later in the day, Rabel found Michael in one of the workshops, tinkering away with one of his latest projects. He pulled a stool up to the workbench and quietly watched Michael for a few minutes, awkwardly holding onto his robotic arm with his human one.

“Hey dad?”

Michael was still nowhere near used to being called that, but he smiled and set his tools aside. “Yeah?”

“I think I knocked somethin’ loose when we were playing outside, can you fix it?” He stuck out his robotic arm, rubbing his head sheepishly with the other.

Michael blinked his eyes and lifted his goggles, staring in amazement. Something was broken … and he actually willingly wanted it repaired? Were they sure this kid came from Rabbit? “Um, yeah, sure. Of course!”

He had Rabel lay his arm out on the table and carefully worked the panels open. As Michael checked over each section of clockwork, he noticed Rabel watching with more than a little interest, going so far as to crane his neck when Michael’s hands got in the way.

“Hey, would you like to learn how I do this?” 

Rabel’s bi-colored eyes widened and a huge smile broke out over his face. “Really?!” He quickly pulled down his own pair of goggles (not exactly necessary, but it still made Michael smile) and grinned.

The pair huddled together at the workbench for quite a time as Michael taught Rabel some basic mechanics. His paradoxical son was quite the fast learner when he could be bothered to pay attention and Michael couldn’t help feeling a swell of pride. They were so wrapped up in these lessons; Hatchworth had to call them to supper three times before they could be torn away from the workshop. And even then, it was all either of them could talk about while they ate.

Dinner was somehow just slightly less chaotic, probably because all the adults were present to keep some semblance of order. Jeeves was managing to splatter his spaghetti everywhere and The Jon really wasn’t doing much to discourage this behavior. Steve silently prayed for a splash guard. Junior had been somehow convinced to forgo chewing on flowers and had been given a salad instead. (They assumed it was probably easier on his systems than dandelions from the yard.) He silently chewed on a leaf of lettuce as he watched the others, standing as always as close as possible to his Daddy. 

“So what are you kids planning on doing after dinner?” The Spine asked Junior, smiling warmly. He was still trying to wiggle even one syllable out of the shy foal.

Junior chewed at his salad thoughtfully for a moment then shrugged, motioning toward the others. He’d just be doing whatever they thought up.

The Spine sighed, “Bet whatever it is it’ll be fun.” maybe Junior really couldn’t talk.

A single pea smacked Junior in the middle of his forehead and he jumped, glaring across the table at Rabel and Ham who were pointing at each other and looking away from him.

He snorted, stamping his back hooves in irritation.

“Oh hohoho you’ve started it now!” Lil Steve crowed from where he was teaching Jeeves how to turn his spaghetti into a volcano using the peas as lava.

Jeeves conspiratorially took his Garlic bread and passed it to Junior under the table.

“Hewe, have some ammo,” He muttered, to which Junior grinned.

He very calmly tore the bread into pieces, careful to keep the actions hidden under the table and with a barely noticeable skip he punted them into his cousins’ shins, both of whom yelped and jumped in their seats.

“AH! Gah how did you get crumbs up my tanktop?!?!” Rabel shouted.

“WELL, I’d say dinner’s about-out-out done wouldn’t you?” Rabbit announced, snatching the meatball from Rabel’s grip just as he started to wind up his pitch.

“But I didn’t get to eat my Gawic bwead!” Jeeves complained.

“Ah such a shame” Steve sighed dramatically as he swung him out of his seat and onto his hip, taking the plate of mostly played with food to the sink. He wondered absently how many stray strands of spaghetti he’d be pulling out of his dreads for the rest of the evening.

The Spine exchanged a not-so-subtle fist bump with Junior as he went to rinse off his salad plate in the sink.

“What if we watched a movie guys?” Ham asked as Sam waved him off from cleaning up and stacked his son’s plate on top of his own.

“Yeah that sounds cool!” Rabel shouted, abandoning his own plate at the table.

“You can have a Disney marathon!!” The Jon shouted excitedly, snatching Jeeves away from Steve and swinging him around, making him squeal happily.

“Daddy fastaw!!”

“Please don’t make him throw up, The Jon.” Steve sighed, picking Lil Steve up off the table to save the trouble of having to come get him when Jeeves realized the animate crocheted doll wasn’t with him later and threw a fit.

The Jon grinned sheepishly as he stopped, switching to bouncing Jeeves on his hip instead.

“I’m not gonna fwow up Papa!” Jeeves pouted indignantly.

Steve bopped him on the nose. “That is exactly what The Jon said last time he spun you around and I had to throw away that shirt.”

“Ewww!” Ham and Rabel chorused together.

Rabbit unceremoniously snatched Rabel around the waist and carried him back to the table under one arm. “Dishes, sink, now.”

Rabel pouted but obeyed.

Sam glanced out the window and frowned. “It’s really picking up out there, we’re gonna be in for a rough night.” In the distance he could see the bright flashes of coming lightning.

The Spine gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder “I’ve double checked everything, we’ll be just fine.”

There was an initial squabble on which movie should go first as well as an initial “how did that movie get in this pile” freak-out. After ensuring all movies were of the “child- and child robot-safe” variety, Jeeves (with the help of The Jon) won the argument for Fantasia. (It has really pretty colors!) Junior jumped onto the couch and settled himself across two cushions with his upper half resting on the sofa arm. Ham and Jeeves squeezed together on the remaining cushion and Rabel draped himself over Junior’s horse-half. Sam passed through to deposit a blanket and a large bowl of popcorn amongst the pile, then wandered off for some deserved peaceful time.

“Hey, Ju-junior, turn down ya brights, will ya?”

Junior grinned apologetically and the external lights on his chassis dimmed to a more cinema-approved glow. Jeeves sat with one arm wrapped around Junior’s tail and the other clinging to a softly grumbling Li’l Steve.

After a brief popcorn fight, the kids finally settled in to watch their movie. Rabel initially lost interest in the musical cartoon, but his protests were quickly outnumbered and squashed. Junior let a hoof swing to the beat of the music while Jeeves was completely enthralled by the brightly colored animation, his blue eyes wide and glued to the screen. Even Rabel eventually found himself nodding to the music and their parents were all treated to a roomful of quiet children. At least until Beethoven’s Pastoral Symphony began.

Upon seeing the centaur on the screen, the whole group gasped, but none louder than Junior. He stared for a moment and then leapt off the couch, sending Rabel sprawling on the floor and knocking Jeeves and Li’l Steve into Ham’s lap, not that Junior noticed at all. He pranced lightly about in a circle, his hooves clip-clopping on the floor as he pointed at the screen. Look! Centaurs! 

Rabel pushed himself up and glared at his cousin, but being easily distracted by bright colors and movement, he turned his attention to the television. “Oh, hey, look Junior! Dey’re jus’ like you!” Junior just snorted and stamped a hoof as if saying I already said that!

Rabel stuck his tongue at Junior and clambered back onto the couch. Junior opted for sitting close to the television. 

“Hey! Your daddy’s m-made ‘a titanium, not glass!” 

Junior flicked his tail in response and hopped to his feet, running from the room with loud hoof beats. He returned minutes later, dragging a very confused The Spine. He gestured for the remote control and rewound until the centaurs were back on screen. He did the same skipping dance as before with a wide smile on his metallic face as he gestured and pointed at the screen. The Spine watched for a moment, then knelt down to hug Junior, grinning.

“Hey Unca Spine, how come Juniow’s pawt howse?” 

“Uh.”

Junior clomped a hoof and glowered, effectively cutting off Rabel’s smart alek response. The Spine awkwardly patted Junior’s head and stood up again. “Right. You kids enjoy your movies.” He left the room pretty quickly and the kids could hear Rabbit’s faint laughter a few minutes later.

Junior climbed back on the couch, knocking Rabel to the floor once again. 

“Ow! What’d I do!” 

Junior shook his head.

“H-h-hey, Jeeves asked, not me!”

Rabel crawled back to his spot on top of Junior’s horse half and sat down extra hard just to spite. Unfortunately, all it did was spite his very human tailbone. He sat relatively quietly after that, at least until he had to jump up and turn off Night On Bald Mountain to stop Jeeves from crying.

After Fantasia ended Ham grabbed a movie from the stack at random and stuck it in. The animals of the forest had only just started gathering to see the newly born deer when The Spine happened to pass by the door again.

He backpedaled, hurrying into the room and quickly ejecting the movie.

“You know what kids, this one’s broken! It stops working right after this. Here how bout watching Fantasia 2 instead!”

He hurried back out still clutching the movie in his hand.

The children all exchanged confused looks and listened intently and weren’t let down.

“WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO LEAVE BAMBI IN THERE?!?!”

They giggled as the sound of The Jon whining and The Spine starting a lecture filtered into the room, they soon settled back down to watch the second fantasia.

Outside the steady rain gave way to a powerful downpour as the storm drew closer, droplets pounding on the windows and wind buffeting through branches. The distant thunder moved ever closer, dull rumbles following flashes of electric light streaking through the clouds.

Fantasia gave way to Ferngully and then to Fivel Goes West and eyes began to droop, cores dimming as they began to nod off. Periodically The Spine or Rabbit or Michael or Steve would peek in to make sure they were doing all right and grin at the sight of Rabel curled on his side, nested between Junior (who had long since drifted into stasis) and the couch cushion, hugging his cousin around the shoulders in his sleep the same way he normally clung to his pillow. Ham was still mostly awake, Jeeves passed out cold in his lap. Lil Steve had made his escape some time during the opening credits when Jeeves had first nodded off and started his habitual chewing of the yarn doll’s dreads in his sleep.

Ham watched idly as light flashed in the window, a dull rumble following each bright explosion of light a few seconds later. He understood lightning, understood thunder, but there was a considerable disconnect between what was understood and what was actually experienced.

He flinched as a bolt struck closer than the others, a louder rumble sounding in the room much more quickly than the others had. He nervously checked Jeeves, who only frowned and wriggled into a more comfortable position in Ham’s lap. Ham sighed in relief and settled back into the couch as another musical number started on the movie, an absent smile spreading across his lips

What had been a comfortable distance suddenly became anything but as an electric arc ripped from he clouds and decimated one of the old oaks just outside the manor walls. The room was filled with light and a crash so loud the very house shook with it and suddenly everyone was awake.

Jeeves shrieked as he jolted upright from Ham’s lap. Junior had no chance to buck Rabel to the floor this time as both cousins scrambled to escape the couch and tear off down the hall, spilling the popcorn bowl and just adding to the frantic confusion. Ham was already well on his way. 

“AAAAAAAA!”

“DA-AAD!”

“PAPPY!”

They burst into one of the band’s practice rooms, ignoring instruments, wires, and equipment as they rushed to the kind of protection only a parent’s arms can provide.

Rabbit and Michael were practically in sync in kneeling and scooping up an almost hysterical Rabel. Sam was momentarily confused to see Ham so upset and more-so to hear him yelling “DAD!” but he was there in an instant with comforting arms and calming words, Hatchworth joining a split second later. Ham’s hat had been nocked off somewhere along the way.

“MAMA!” 

All heads, even tear-stained ones, turned in shock as Junior galloped across the room to The Spine. It was hard to tell which was more surprising: the fact that the little bot actually could talk or what name he had apparently chosen to call his father-figure. The Spine didn’t even miss a beat, stooping to hug and then effortlessly lift the centaur — ignoring the extraneous squirming legs — into his arms. Junior buried his face in The Spine’s collar, letting out a long whine. “Mamaaaaaa!”

The rest of the band exchanged confused glances, Sam mouthing silently, “He can talk?” The Spine just shrugged and cradled Junior, whose cries had quieted now that he was safe in his father’s arms.

After a moment, Steve frowned and looked around the room. The Jon was hugging himself, not too fond of thunder himself, and the rest of the parents were busy shushing their frightened little ones. But Jeeves was nowhere in sight. Steve quickly turned on his heel and rushed out the room and down the hall.

He found Jeeves with his nose pressed against the window pane, his dimly glowing eyes reflecting in the glass as his breath fogged the window. He watched the lightning flash and the trees dancing in the whipping wind, giggling whenever another peal of thunder rumbled the house. Steve breathed a long sigh of relief, the sound causing Jeeves to turn.

“Papa! Come wook at the wain!” he squealed, waving his chubby arms. Steve grinned and walked over, lifting Jeeves to sit on his knee so they could watch the storm together. The Jon eventually joined them, but only after the thunder had quieted just a little.

It took quite a bit of time after that to calm everyone down. Ham tried to play off his fear as momentary surprise but he would flinch every time a new boom of thunder sounded in the distance. Sam simply wrapped the boy in a hug even though he kept insisting he didn’t need one, but accepted it and buried his face in Sam’s shoulder every time a new bolt crashed overhead. Hatchworth pointed out there was nothing wrong with being afraid and made a couple jokes to try and calm his son down. Ham appreciated it.

 

Rabel wasn’t bothering to act tough, clinging to Rabbit and burying his face in the soft fabric of his Pappy’s shirt with every crash, Michael rubbing his back and mumbling soft encouragements to him.

Steve was honestly having to do a lot more to calm The Jon down than he was Jeeves, who it seemed was absolutely spellbound by this force of nature that painted the sky in flashing lights. Jeeves had tracked down Lil Steve shortly after being woken but after a few minutes of storm watching had passed the protesting doll to his shivering Daddy.

He didn’t really get it. Why everyone seemed so afraid and worried over something that was so pretty and exciting. He had to ask three times before Steve had sighed and gently explained that people had different reasons to be afraid of different things. Sometimes it was something bad that had happened and the thing reminded them of it, sometimes it was for a very logical reason like being very tall and very conductive, sometimes you were scared of things just because. Jeeves nodded and wriggled out of his Papa’s grip and hugged his Daddy around the knees.

The Jon smiled and picked Jeeves up, flinching as another thunder boomed outside. “Don’t you worry, I‘m just fine,” the golden brass bot insisted as Jeeves wrapped his arms around The Jon’s neck and got comfortable.

The Spine, still carrying his shuddering foal, had settled into an armchair to ease the hassle of dealing with the extra legs. He was gently comforting the still cowering child who was hiding his face in The Spine’s vest as best he could. He shifted Junior from his neck and leveled him with a calm gaze and a loving smile.

“It’s okay Junior, I know it’s loud and scary but it’s only thunder and it can’t hurt you in here. Mama made absolutely sure of it long before this storm started up.” He hugged Junior to him and shot Sam and Rabbit a glare as one gave him a strange look and the other snickered, mouthing ‘Mama’.

“I’ll always be here for you okay? All you have to do is let me know what bothers you.” Junior blinked up at him, a small smile inching its way onto his lips. Spine sighed a laugh. “Although I have to admit it’d be easier if you’d talk to me, actually tell me what you need.” Junior lowered his head, if he could have blushed he probably would have. “I know, you’re shy and it’s okay. But maybe try?”

He ducked his head lower shifting as his tail tucked between his hind legs in embarrassment. He remained silent for a moment, looking anywhere but back at his Mama.

Finally he reached forward and wrapped his arms around The Spines neck in a tight hug, which was quickly returned. Junior let out a huff and mumbled into The Spines collar, “Sorry Mama.”

The Spine couldn’t hold back the smile that spread across his face. He patted Junior’s shoulder and reassured him

“You haven’t done anything you’d need to be sorry about. It’s getting late, time for little foals to shut down for stasis.” he bopped a titanium finger against Juniors nose making him giggle as he wriggled to get up and bounded at The Spine’s side.

The Jon bounced Jeeves on his hip, “Uh oh, I think Uncle The Spine might be right!”

Jeeves looked at him for a moment, then pressed an ear to his Daddy’s chest, making an exaggerated ‘I‘m listening to something’ face. After a moment he nodded and very seriously announced to his robotic father. “Fishy says I can stay up wate.” Lil Steve snorted and so did real Steve.

The Jon grinned. “Nice try but fishie says bed time for all the little bots.”

Jeeves groaned and flopped like a limp piece of spaghetti, his usual reaction to being told he had to do something he didn’t want to. Though it didn’t do much good this time because The Jon had a good grip on him and just laughed harder at the display.

Rabel yawned widely, leaning against Rabbit tiredly, and Michael debated whether or not he had the strength to carry his boy to bed. He didn’t get a chance to try though because Rabbit had already knelt down and had Rabel on his back. The boy’s cheek vent trailed steam as he began to nod off, clinging to Rabbit’s shoulders.

Michael smiled warmly, ruffling his son’s hair. “Been a good day, huh buddy?” Rabel hummed a yes.

Ham tried his best to hide his pout but didn’t succeed in the slightest.

“Maybe…maybe we could watch one more movie?” Pleading eyes turned to Hatchworth and Sam “and maybe…you guys could come watch it too?”

Another crack of thunder shot through the room and Ham couldn’t suppress the yelp, jumping closer to his parents. 

Hatchworth set a hand on Ham’s shoulder and with the other hand ruffled his hair. “I’m afraid it is getting late, we’ve already let you all stay up much later than you should have. Let’s see where your hat got to then we’ll tuck you in okay?”

Ham nodded glumly, Sam held his hand as they went out into the hall to look for his missing hat.

Being put to bed didn’t last long, the storm was still raging outside and it was less then an hour before one of them was up and out of bed. 

“H-h-h-hey…Junior…you awake?” Rabel was at his cousin’s bedside, kneeling on the floor and holding his blanket tightly around him. The equine automaton’s lights brightened ever so slightly and he raised his head, nodding. “I c-c-can’t sleep. Cou-ou-ould I lay down with you?” Junior nodded, couldn’t sleep either, and shifted as best he could to offer more room.

Not two minutes later the door creaked open. Three glowing orbs of blue shone in the dark, one large two dull and small.

“You-ou guys can’t sleep either huh?” Rabel asked, smiling sleepily in the dark.

“It was mostly Jeeves!” Ham insisted, only to be proven wrong when a bolt lit the room and he all but dove into the bed beside his cousins.

Jeeves smiled and wandered to the window, cooing happily at the light show.

“Wh-h-hy are you in here Jeeves? You ain’t scared’a storms.”

Jeeves wandered back to the bed, wriggled in with them and tucked the blanket around them carefully, snuggling against Junior’s side and clutching Lil Steve to his chest as he got comfortable.

“I din wanna sweep all awone in ouw woom,” he shrugged, closing his lightly glowing eyes and falling asleep nearly instantly.

That’s where they were the next morning when Hatchworth came to wake everyone up. Piled on top of each other sleeping peacefully nested in a twist of blankets. He smiled to himself and decided to give them a bit longer to rest.

But not before snapping a picture of them first.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Athazagoraphobia: an exaggerated and intense fear of being forgotten

It wasn’t till a few nights after the storm had passed that something capable of scaring Jeeves was discovered.

Steve’s sleep was deep and peaceful as he nested further into his comforter. There was a gentle tug and a shuffling near where his foot stuck out over the edge of the bed and Steve frowned as he rolled over, grumbling, and cracked one eye open.

Two glowing blue orbs started up at him from the darkness. Peering up at him from just over the edge of the bed.

He jumped, a shout catching in his throat a he flattened against the headboard as his heart pounded in his chest.

“Papa I can’t sweep.”

It took Steve a moment to recognize the pleading lisp of his paradoxical void-born son.

Whose eyes glowed.

Because he was half robot.

Steve was still getting used to that.

He took a deep breath, willing his heart to settle as he swung his feet over the side of the bed, flipped on the bedside lamp, and pulled Jeeves into his lap.

“Now what’s bothering you?”

Jeeves didn’t answer at first, instead toying with the bandana he was holding to his head, unable to tie it properly himself. He tugged it down over his eyes and mumbled something.

“What was that?”

“I hada bad dweam!” He said a bit louder, voice strangely plaintive.

Steve took the bandana from over the toddler’s eyes and flattened the dark curls a he tied it properly into place and hugged him close as he asked,

“What did you have a bad dream about, Jeeves?”

Jeeves made another plaintive whine, obviously uncomfortable with sharing.

Steve sighed, picking Jeeves up and moving back to his pillow with his son curled against his chest.

He asked again, voice hushed and gentle. “Jeeves. Do you want to tell me what your bad dream was?”

Jeeves pulled the blanket up tucking it around him.

“Dey wewen’t dew anymow.”

“Who?”

He pulled it over his head, lightly glowing eyes just barely visible.

“Us. We wewen’t weal.”

“What do you mean you weren’t real?”

Tiny black lips began to quiver and his eyes began to fill with tears.

“I dweamed Daddy an Uncle Hatchy dey gots hiccups again an it made me ‘n Juniow ‘n Wabel ‘n Ham stop bein weal just wike it made us start bein weal an you fowgot me!”

Steve’s eyes widened as Jeeves made himself more and more upset, words hitching and wavering as he spoke.

His heart clinched and dropped in his chest as he wrapped his arms around the shuddering tot and held him tight as Jeeves clung to his neck.

“No no no, GOD no that woud never hapen, Jeeves!”

“B-but what if it did Papa?” Jeeves whimpered.

“It won’t. If somehow it did - know I’d never forget you, and we’d find a way to get you back.”

He rubbed a hand in a small circle on Jeeves’ hitching back, trying to calm him.

“I will always get you back,” he said quietly. “And I’ll always be here for you, all right? Me and Daddy.”

“Pwomise?”

“Promise.” 

This seemed to slightly appease his fears because he settled down somewhat, weeping trailing off into sniffles.

“I’m a bit surprised you didn’t bring Lil Steve. Where is he?”

“I weft him wif Ham, he said he make suwe he stayed awite while i was gone.”

“Good idea.”

Steve leaned over to turn off the lamp as Jeeves curled into a little ball at his side. He straightened the blanket over them both, and wrapped a protective arm around his son, who snuggled closer.

“Nigh nigh Papa,” Jeeves yawned, making Steve smile as he placed a good night kiss on the boy’s forehead.

”Sweet dreams, Jeeves.”

And with that, they both drifted off into a peaceful sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been two weeks (possibly three?) since Peter Walter VI had locked himself down in one of the laboratories (no, couldn’t be longer than two!) and he felt at least a little closer to realizing one of his recent theories. (No longer than three weeks, at most!) There was even a little spring in his step as he made his way up to the main floor of the manor. He could smell food, which meant he might even be just in time for supper. No, wait, coffee… Just in time for breakfast!

As he mused on the thought of eating real, hot, fresh food, Peter tripped over a toy train and very nearly took a spill down the stairs if it weren’t for Marshmallow walking right behind him. He glared at the offending toy, thinking it odd, but not entirely unexpected. What was really strange was the very small t-shirt abandoned nearby, but then again, maybe Rabbit had been doing the laundry again.

He was only absolutely sure that something was up when three screaming blurs raced by, paused, and then backtracked to become three small children.

“Hi, Peter VI!” greeted the one in glasses.

“Yeah, hi!” 

“We though you was DEAD!”

“N-n-no, he just works a long time. I like yer mask!”

“That’s a really big cat.”

“Can we wide hewr?!”

Peter stared blankly, not entirely sure what was happening. 

“M-maybe he can’t talk.”

“Maybe he doesn’t have a mouth.”

“KIDS, BREAKFAST!” Sam yelled from the kitchen and all three children dashed off, leaving Peter to wonder just how long he really had been down in that lab.

 

Jeeves wriggled up into his brand-new booster seat, with the help of a nudge from Ham. Rabel was already well on his way to demolishing his scrambled eggs. Sam chuckled.

“They’re not going anywhere.”

“Dis time! R-r-remembah the apples?”

Ham rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t wike di—!” Jeeves declared, but Steve was already one step ahead of him and popped a bite of egg in the tot’s open mouth. Jeeves glared, but chewed anyway, his morning ritual of hating food swiftly brought to an end.

“Where’s Junior?” Steve asked as he sat at the table, ready to thwart any more breakfast shenanigans. 

Ham and Rabel slowly stopped eating and glanced at each other guiltily. 

“Whoops.”

“We were, uh, playin’ hide-n-seek.”

“We thought he’d heard you.”

“We’ll find ‘im!” Rabel pulled Ham off his chair, nearly upsetting the whole table if not for Steve’s intervention. The two raced off, yelling for Junior. Just in time for Peter VI to walk, a bit dazed, into the kitchen.

“Oh hey, look who’s alive,” Sam grinned, already fixing another plate.

“Kids.”

“Yep.”

“Three … kids.”

“Four, actually.” Sam guided Peter to the breakfast table where he sat heavily.

“Four?”

“Mhm.” Sam placed a coffee mug next to Peter’s hand. Steve just watched, smiling and shaking his head slowly. 

Peter took a very long drink of coffee before he noticed a pair of big blue eyes staring at him. He set the mug down and calmly stared right back. Both Walters held the gaze (at least as far as anyone could tell) for several quiet moments. Then without breaking eye (mask?) contact, Jeeves reached out, grabbed a handful of syrupy pancake, and shoved it into his mouth. 

“Jeeves! Fork!” Steve tsked as he grabbed a napkin to wipe Jeeve’s hands, pointing said fork towards Peter. “Shut up.”

Peter held up his hands defensively, but there’s a smile in his voice. “Jeeves?”

“Yeah!” Jeeves cheered, almost in a challenge. 

“And he’s …. yours?”

“Yep, he— aw no, Jeeves!” Steve sighed, lifting a syrup-soaked dread to his eyes. Jeeves squealed a laugh and returned to eating his pancakes, at least remembering his utensils this time. 

Peter was quiet again for a moment, but just as he was taking a breath for his next question, Steve added, “And The Jon’s.”

Well. That just created more questions, didn’t it?

“How… long was I down there?” Peter asked weakly.

“Three weeks.” Sam chuckled as he pulled up a chair. “You’re going to want to eat first before we tell you this.”

Peter had to agree as the other two children from earlier crashed back into the kitchen, this time being chased by a mini-The Spine on horse legs. Yes, he’d need a full stomach and clear head to deal with this.

The robotic… spinetaur sounded good, was glaring with his arms crossed over his chest at the two other boys as they sheepishly returned to their seats.

“W-well it’s not really our fault!” Rabel insisted 

“Yeah, it not like we forgot about you, we just thought you heard Dad call for breakfast,” Ham added.

Junior huffed and cantered past them and snatched his water bottle from the counter and gulping some down. 

Peter was honestly scared to ask. “A…and these are?”

Ham coughed on a bit of egg and took a second to properly swallow it before informing him levelly. “I’m Ham, my Dads are Sam and Hatchworth.” He went back to eating like this was the most ordinary bit of information in the world.

“My Pappy’s Rabbit an’ my Daddy’s Michael,” Rabel announced proudly, repositioning his goggles from dangling round his neck up to the top of his head. Ham poked him. “Oh yeah an’ my name’s Rabel.”

“Oh…” Peter replied simply. “and you?”

Junior looked at the other kids uncomfortably, shifting as if he was trying to decide whether hiding under the table or behind Jeeves’ chair was the better idea.

“He’s shy,” Jeeves pointed out plainly.

“But we know he can talk now so he has to tell you his name all on his own huh?”

Junior shot Rabel another glare. They held it for a moment before he finally held up the water bottle in front of himself like a shield and mumbled “ ‘m junior.”

“He’s Unca Tha Spine’s!” Rabel declared, then quietly murmured into forkful of pancake, “An’ a horse.”

Junior stamped his hoof angrily, but remained hiding behind both his water bottle and ‘younger’ cousin.

“He’s not a horse,” Steve said with a sigh. He frowned when he noticed Jeeves had abandoned his breakfast and was busily drawing in crayons while Lil Steve supervised. Eventually he was going to figure out how Jeeves managed to conjure up toys without him noticing.Okay, so he was pretty sure he knew how, but he’d yet to catch the tyke in the act.

“Well he’s kin’a part hors— hey!” Rabel jerked his head to the side to scowl at Junior after a balled-up bit of napkin bounced off his head. Junior stared right back, eyes narrowed.

“And that’s where babies come from!” The Jon declared with the flourish of a crayon. No one was sure when he got there or at what point he and Jeeves started collaborating on what looked like very elementary charts, but no one really asked either. Jeeves and The Jon held up their drawing proudly. There were some colored bars, a fish, and a clown. “See?”

Peter just nodded slowly as he sipped his coffee. He still had no idea what was going on, but the chaos of this conversation was at least familiar and even somewhat comforting.

“No, it’s not, The Jon.”

The Jon just nodded, handed the paper over to Jeeves, and started drawing a pie graph.

Jeeves looked up from his doodle of what was probably Junior, judging by the amount of silver legs, and what might be a horse, only purple. 

“Where do babies come from, Papa?” he asked loudly. Or at least it felt really loud to Steve. Was it echoing? Steve was pretty sure there was an echo.

“Your daddy’s hiccups,” Ham replied smartly.

“I’m puh-puh-pretty sure he meant real kids,” Rabel pointed out, accenting his statement with a whirl of his fork. 

Well that jolted Steve out of his semi-panicked silence.

“You are real kids.”

“Y-yeah, but we weren’t always. Real. I mean.”

Ham shrugged a little and nodded.

Sam and Steve looked at each other worriedly. Peter wisely chose to stay quiet, but he was definitely piecing the bits together now, even without the full explanation. 

Both Jeeves and The Jon had gone quite still, Jeeves still holding a crayon to his paper but no longer drawing. 

Rabel looked around and ducked his head, his cheeks reddening. “I-I-I-I just mean w-we’re, we weren’t-weren’t, we aren’ttt m-meant to be-be-be real.”

The silence that settled on the room was thick and heavy and nearly suffocating, but did not last long before a soft sound began to repeat, growing louder.

*Hic*

*Hic*

*Hic*

Jeeves threw his head back and let out a high-pitched wail, accented by occasional hiccups. And then everything happened really quickly.

The Jon quickly scooped Jeeves up and Steve upset his chair to get to both of them. Rabel, now perfectly miserable, bit his lip and looked as if he was trying to make himself as small as possible. But before he could consider escaping the room, thinking himself in trouble, robotic footsteps made their way down the hall and into the room and Rabel found himself in his Pappy’s spindly arms, The Spine walking in right behind Rabbit. Sam was already kneeling next to Ham, who was steadfastly trying to pretend not to be upset, despite his flushed cheeks and reddened ears. Sam rolled his eyes and pulled Ham on to his knee, planting a kiss on his son’s bronze cheek plates.

“Hey, stop that. You’re very much real and you’re not going anywhere, okay? But you don’t have to pretend to not be afraid.” Sam smiled as Ham tried to rub away the kiss and frowned as deeply as his little face allowed, but that stubbornness was being quickly broken by daddy hugs. Especially when Hatchworth joined them with a big hug of his own (and nearly lifted Sam and Ham both off the floor).Ham finally pulled off his glasses to rub a fist against his eyes and then hugged both his fathers.

Junior, meanwhile, pranced proudly over to The Spine, who winked and knelt down.

Neither he nor Rabbit would have ever heard Jeeves’ crying, too far from the kitchen for their audio receivers to pick up the sound. But The Spine had easily recognized the soft shy voice of his son crackling over the wi-fi, which had been a bit of a surprise on its own. He grinned as Junior capered around his dad, little whispers being bounced back and forth over the Walter Wi-fi. 

Junior was so proud of himself for being the first to figure out how it worked.

 

Jeeves’ crying had quieted into sniffles and soft hiccups, which had initially frightened him all the more into thinking he might disappear, but everything remained normal. As normal as can be, anyway. Michael had arrived late to the party, but he’d already well made up for the missing time by squeezing Rabel tightly and reassuring him over and over again that he had nothing to be afraid of.

Peter had by now finished his breakfast and had considered silently leaving the room, but his chair made a scraping sound as he pushed from the table, alerting the entire room to his presence. Michael coughed awkwardly.

Peter chuckled. “I think … I think I need some sleep. And then you can explain everything.”

“Uh, you sure about that?”

Peter nodded wearily, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah. I think that’d be the best for everyone.” And then he could be sure what he just witnessed wasn’t a dream or coffee-derived hallucination. 

After a quick round of good night wishes, Peter exited the kitchen and headed upstairs, his head spinning with all the oddness of the past hour. He meant to go straight to bed, but found himself making a brief detour to find Peter Walter V and give his father a hug.

 

It had been real all right.

And as he sat on the couch for a Formal Explanation (The Jon kept insisting it be called that, he’d made graphs and everything for it) with Marshmallow curled up in the space behind the couch (A very large space to accommodate the very large cat) and Jeeves sitting beside him sipping at a juice box, holding Lil Steve in one arm, he wondered just what he was in for.

“Now this!” The Jon announced, showing his first graph “Is your part of the pancake, and this part here, that’s for me. But I’ll eat your part if you don’t want it.”

“He’s wieing, he took aw my pancake dis mowning,” Jeeves announced between sips.

The Jon feigned a look as if he’d been stricken. “You wound me! To have such slander aimed at me by my own son! Oh the horror!” He gasped and fainted dramatically to peals of laughter from the curly haired, bandana wearing tot before popping back up with a grin. “And anyway you said you didn’t like them!”

Jeeves turned his nose into the air, trying to be equally as dramatic. “Dey wew still mine, It was vewy upsetting to have dem stowen, my feewings was sevewey wounded!”

“I’m certain they were, now if you two couldn’t kindly let me just -” Steve snatched the graph from The Jon’s hand and shooed him aside. “Thank you. We kinda had an actual reason for this.”

The Jon plopped down on the couch and pulled Jeeves into his lap, tickling him as he did and both of them giggled.

Peter didn’t say a word as the bots and humans switched off explaining how it had all started, the hiccups, the shock of the sudden appearances, the transition, and finally comfortable acceptance of this new dynamic.

Peter nodded vacantly, blinking behind his mask.

“So that’s what happened,” Michael finally finished, shrugging. At that moment Rabel came shoving into the room.

“SORRY DAD! HEY JEEVES THERE’S A NEST IN THE BUSHES AND ITS GOT EGGS AND JUNIOR THINKS THEY’RE HATCHING YOU GOTTA SEE!”

Lil Steve wriggled out from Jeeves’ grip and struck a pose standing on his knee. “YES, GOOD! JEEVES LET US ADVENTURE!!”

Michael caught the boy’s arm as he turned to run back outside again. “And what exactly do you guys plan on doing with the eggs in that birds nest?”

Rabel gave him a confused look. “Nuthin’ Daddy, we’re just gonna watch ‘em hatch! I hope they’re blue birds! Do you think they could be blue birds?!”

Michael smiled, relaxing somewhat and a look of pride crossing his expression.

“Just remember even after they hatch, look don’t touch, okay?”

“Well of course! We could hurt it; it’s only a baby.”

“Tell me when it’s almost done hatching okay?”

“Will do!”

And with that both children ran full tilt toward the back yard.

 

Peter watched the two go, tapping a finger absently on his knee, the back door slammed and he turned back to the gathered adults.

The Spine brought his attention back with a “So…any questions?”

”HOW long was I down there?!”

”Three weeks”

“How long have they been here?”

“Two weeks”

“Okay then.” Peter took another deep breath trying to take it all in.

“First off, why didn’t you come get me?”

The Spine shrugged stiffly. “It wasn’t an emergency.”

“Spontaneously appearing children isn’t an emergency?”

“Dude, do you have any idea what you’re like when someone interrupts your experiments?” Steve pointed out.

Michael nodded along. “You scare me sometimes. Imagine that combined with four kids.”

“…. Fair enough.” Peter paused for a moment, and then asked, “So, what exactly happened at breakfast?”

 

All eyes turned to Steve and The Jon who looked at each other and then away. Steve ran a hand over his head and sighed.

“He’s been having bad dreams, nightmares, about not being real anymore. That they’ll all disappear and we’ll forget about them.”

A cringe passed through the whole room.

“I - Is that possible though?” Peter’s voice was edged with worry. “I mean whenever weird stuff normally happens because The Jon or Hatchworth gets hiccups it usually goes away pretty quick. That’s not gonna happen to them is it?”

Michael sat heavily in one of the room’s armchairs, looking slightly paler. He really hated these conversations. It honestly scared him a little.

“Not that,” he gulped the lump in his throat down, “not that we can tell, been doing tests and stuff. Figure it’s kinda like the badgerkittens, there was a big enough pop of blue matter energy that they’re…I dunno, stable?”

“They aren’t going anywhere.” There was an edge to Steve’s voice as he all but growled the words out. There was a finality to them, as if he was daring reality to argue.

The Jon spoke up. “He got scared this morning ‘cause of his hiccups; he thought they’d be like mine and Bloop would make him disappear.”

“What’s a Bloop?” 

“That’s what they named his goldfish. The Vienna sausage is Yum, but that was more to tease Jeeves.” 

“Wait, you mean the way The Jon has a fish and -“

“Yup, exactly.”

“Well that had to be fun to find out.”

Steve shook his head, laughing. “You have no idea. I almost flipped!”

“I can imagine. What about the two…Rabel and…Ham? Who named the kid Ham? That’s, um, wow.”

“They kinda came with their names.”

“Really? Huh, anyway do they have anything like that? How does the whole robot/human parts thing even work?”

“Okay, We drew up schematics for the mechanical parts but. Honestly? We have absolutely no idea how they all work together with no problems. They shouldn’t, but they do, so I’m not about to argue.”

“Okay so that leaves the fourth one, Junior? So uh, what’s uh, what’s up with…”

Rabbit turned to The Spine “He wants to know what’s up with the pony?”

The Spine glared. “He’s not a pony.”

Rabbit: “Right, right, I got that, but you gotta admit li’l Spine Junior got more ‘en a little equine resemblance there.” 

Sam snorted and rubbed the ridge of his nose. “Oh man, you realize one of these days they’re gonna catch the one bit in Ice cream parade right? And Ham’s already got an interest in mythology so he’ll make the connection if none of the others do.”

Steve looked ready to die laughing. “Something you wanna share there, Loki?” He got out between gasps of laughter.

“So funny, hilarious. Now shut up.” The Spine’s mouth twitched.

Even Peter and Hatchworth were laughing, but at least they had the good sense to try to hide it, the others not so much.

 

At least Li’l Steve wasn’t there.


	7. Chapter 7

The next day Peter found himself inexplicably roped into overseeing lunch. He was still trying to figure out exactly how he’d met with this misfortune watching as Lil Steve constructed a fort for himself from a number of cereal boxes and Jeeves quietly giggled and ate his lunch, not complaining that he ‘didn’t wike it’ for once.

Yesterday had been a false alarm and the egg was still un-hatched so the kids had taken to watching it every chance they got. Rabel had been right, it was a blue bird, and they’d decided on leaving food and twigs for the mama bird and taking turns watching the nest when she had to fly away. Rabel and Ham were excitedly discussing the nest and egg they’d found, Junior listening in and nodding every now and then as he worked his way through the Daisy chain he’d convinced Jeeves to make for him earlier. Every now and then both boys would stop talking and pay attention to Junior, then nod and continue on as if he’d said something aloud. Peter seemed to recall The Spine mentioning something about the Equine Automaton being the first to figure out the Walter wifi just the day before and using it to overcome his shyness-induced muteness. 

“Okay so the plan is, we’re go-o-onna leave the mama bird’s food here an then the twigs next to it.” Rabel was scribbling on a crudely drawn map of the backyard as they made their ‘defense’ plans.

“An we’re gonna take turns watching her just like we did yesterday. What else was there?”

Junior reached over and took the crayon from Rabel, drawing a rough cat angrily stalking toward the bush.

“Oh yeah, we gotta watch out for cats too, maybe we can put up like a fence ‘er something.” Rabel gasped and turned to Peter.

“Does M-m-marshmallow eat birdies?! We can’t make a fence dat big!” 

Peter laughed and shook his head. “No, they’re way too little for her to even notice; your bird is safe.” Rabel nodded but Ham didn’t seem convinced.

“But what if she sits on the bush or something!”

“Or pees on it!”

Both Ham and Junior gave Rabel disbelieving looks. “What?! It’s a legitimate concern!”

Marshmallow let out a mildly insulted sounding mrowl from where she was curled up in the corner.

“Mistaw Petaw can we wide on hew?” Jeeves asked, pushing a cereal box aside so he could see around Lil Steve’s fortress.

Behind his mask Peter smiled. “Well that’s not really up to me, that’s up to her. But she’s never minded when I do it.”

Jeeves bounced and clapped at the prospect.

“PWETTY KITTY CAN I WIDE YOU?” He asked the dozing Marshmallow, who opened one eye and answered with a “MMrrwww” before going back to sleep.

“Hey Mister Peter.” Rabel tugged on Peter’s sleeve to get his attention. “We can’t decide, are you our Uncle or our Cousin?”

For a moment Peter was at a loss before finally admitting, “I was never good at figuring that kinda stuff out, so you can use whatever you feel like, how’s that?”

“Sounds good to me.” Ham shrugged.

Rabel finished off the last of his food and jumped up from his seat, snagging one of the cereal boxes and bringing Lil Steve’s whole fortress tumbling down to the sound of many a muffled pseudo-curse. 

“I’m done. Come on guys, we gotta go watch after the birdie!”

 

Junior clicked his hooves in excitement as Ham was dragged out of his seat and Jeeves wriggled out of his booster seat.

“Wait fow me you guys!”

Junior trotted over and picked Jeeves up, metal spines retracting as he set Jeeves onto his back. Jeeves gave him a big hug. “Tank you Juniow!” Junior’s only response was a shy smile.

“Uncle Peter, y-y-you gotta come out an’ see our birdie’s nest! It’s so cool an’ it’s gonna hatch ANY DAY NOW!” Rabel was tugging on Peter’s arm and he let the excitable 11-year-old pull him from his seat. 

On the table, Lil Steve had dug his way out of the ruins of his once great empire and brushed himself off. “I see how you are. Knockin my roof down on my head then leaving me to die in there.”

Jeeves and Junior exchanged a look and both rolled their eyes as Lil Steve made the jump from the table to Jeeves’ waiting arms

”Dwama qaween.” Jeeves sighed as he hugged the still pouting doll to his chest.

“Why do you need the cereal box Rabel?” Peter asked as he was led toward the back door. Rabel gave him an exasperated look as if the answer was more obvious than the nose that wasn’t on Peter’s face. “We n-n-need it for the birdie! The Mama needs food so she hasta leave the egg all alone so if we leave food for her close by she won’t have to go as far an then the egg’ll b-be safer.”

“Thats why we’re leaving twigs and fabric scraps and stuff close by in case she needs to fix the nest or anything,” Ham added.

“Wow, you guys really thought this through, huh?”

Rabel nodded proudly.

“Junior’s the one who found it, and it was his idea to keep an eye on it too.”

“Juniows quiet but he’s weawy smawt!” Jeeves announced. Junior smiled shyly and skipped, making Jeeves giggle as he was bounced along.

“I can see that, although I’ve been meaning to ask. Is it okay you’re eating that?” Peter asked, indicating the flower scarf Junior was a third of the way through devouring.

His only response was to take an exaggerated bite out of the chain.

“My-y-y Daddy told me how that works!” Rabel announced excitedly. “He was showin’ me how tah read schematics! Junior’s actually made so he sucks the water right out of em and the rest is turned into… to…uhh…” 

Steam puffed from the boys cheek vents as he struggled to recall what he’d been told, finally he snapped his fingers “L-l-lubrication! For the movin’ parts!”

While he’d been explaining Ham had snagged the cereal box from him and was busying himself arranging it in a small pile on a stool they’d set just in front of where the nest was hidden in the bush. Jeeves had slid off Juniors back and begun gathering twigs while Junior had found a stick and was pacing back and forth ‘guarding the perimeter’ with his ‘sword’ watching out for any possible predators.

“Wow, you guys are really taking this seriously.” 

Marshmallow apparently approved, batting at a sapling to knock loose twigs off for Jeeves to collect.

“Thank you Pwetty Kitty!” Jeeves shouted gleefully as one hand came up to pat the large cats fluffy side.

“The mama biwdies gonna have dah best nest guys!” He announced as he dumped his haul of twigs next to the stool. 

Peter smiled as he watched them work, no wonder the rest of the household had taken to them so quickly.

Junior, Ham, and Rabel seemed to be arguing over something regarding their ‘defense strategy’ when Steve stuck his head out the back door and shouted. “Jeeves! Come inside, there’s a present for you!” Eliciting an excited squeal from the toddler and a scramble to grab Lil Steve and hurry inside.

 

The kids, despite their short existence, knew very well what “presents” were. They’d even received a few, each child getting something special that was just their own. But none of those had been in boxes and they certainly hadn’t come in the mail.

Jeeves bounced around in circles, clutching Lil Steve to his chest, as Steve set down a cardboard box almost as big as Jeeves. 

“C’mon, kid, y-yer makin’ me sick! I’m gonna hurl yarn here!” 

Jeeves giggled and gradually came to a stop, setting the crochet doll onto the box. He peered over the top of the box and pointed to the label written in large, looping letters. 

“What’s dat say?”

“It says, To Lil Steve, the Toughest and Greatest Dragonslayer of All T—.”

“It says,” Steve interrupted, swiping the doll off the box. “Steve and Jeeves Negrete. It’s from your grandparents.” He reached into his backpocket, found nothing, then glared at Lil Steve, who was now brandishing a pocketknife and trying to remount the box. 

“Let’s cut ‘er open!”

“Give me that!” Steve growled, retrieving the knife. Jeeves laughed and clapped his hands. “You’re a bad example.”

“I’m an awesome examp— hey! Whoa!” 

Jeeves scooped up the protesting doll and idly chewed on the ends of his yarn dreads as Steve cut the tape from the box. Despite Lil Steve’s previous warning, Jeeves started jumping up and down again. 

First out of the box was a new winter coat, which Jeeves wrinkled his nose at and Steve set aside. Next were new clothes, in which the tyke was equally disinterested. Socks, a pair of rainboots (“Yeah, like I’ll ever be able to get you in those.”) and then a big, green stuffed alligator. The last one was deposited straight into Jeeves’ arms.

“At last, a suitable steed!” Lil Steve cried, wriggling free to jump onto the plushie. Jeeves plopped onto the ground to make the toy romp in a very un-‘gator-like fashion as Steve dug further into the box. 

“Some of my old books, some puzzles.. ‘A New Parent’s Guide’, haha, thanks mom. Oh hey, my old Speak ‘n Spell.” The toy was deposited on the floor next to Jeeves along with a smaller teddy bear, which was quickly ‘eaten’ by Lil Steve’s new mount. Steve lifted up a medium-sized white book, adorned on the cover with a picture of a sleeping baby in blue blankets. 

“Does she really expect me to fill this with pictures of you? I can’t get you to sit still in your sleep.”

Jeeves and Lil Steve snickered. The books and puzzles were already made into ramps and the alligator was making daring leaps while Lil Steve cheered from its back.

“Oh, here you go, Jeeves!” Steve picked up a brightly wrapped present and held it out to his son. 

Suddenly, alligator, ramps, and a very unfortunate Lil Steve were forgotten and dumped on the floor in a whirl of excitement. He’d never gotten a wrapped present before! And those are extra special! Jeeves squealed as he took the present and bounced around in a circle before finally sitting on the floor to tear at the wrapping paper. Lil Steve sulked among a flurry of paper shreds.

“Papa, hewp!” Jeeves held out the unwrapped box, taped shut on both ends. Steve had a sinking feeling when he saw, written in big bold letters, the word ‘REVENGE!’ He cut the tape and handed the box back to Jeeves, who quickly tore it open to reveal a small plastic xylophone, a couple of brightly-colored maracas, and a recorder.

“Oh no..” Steve groaned.

“YAY!” Jeeves cheered.

“You know what! These are perfect toys for you to play with outside! Exclusively”

“Was escusivwy?”

“Means Daddy dearest doesn’t want to deal with migraines.” Lil Steve chuckled, earning another glare from Steve.

“You pway musics inside!” Jeeves points out accusingly.

He was caught. How do you convince a kid there’s a difference between musical instruments and evil tools of revenge for a noisy childhood?

“Well..uh..” Lil Steve looked ready to bust a seam laughing so hard watching Steve flounder. “Don’t you want to show your cousins?! Everyone’s playing outside protecting the baby bird! You don’t want to have to wait do you?”

The magic word, Jeeves was anything but a patient child.

“NO I WANNA SHOW DEM NOW!”

“But then they’ll get all dirty and you wouldn’t be able to bring them back inside.”

“I DUN CARE.”

Lil Steve looked impressed, climbing the sound tech till he’d reached his shoulder and muttering “Nice play”

“Shush,” Steve muttered back.

 

Jeeves gathered his haul as best he could, Gator balanced haphazardly at the top of the pile and his head and tried to make his way back outside despite not being able to see. Steve chuckled as he watched for a moment, the alligator falling off much to Jeeves’ consternation and after a moment of consideration he began punting it ahead of him so he wouldn’t have to come back for it.

“Want some help?”

From behind the pile came a “Yes pwease,” as yet another toy tumbled off. Steve ruffled his son’s hair and scooped the gator off the ground as well as the teddy, the xylophone, and the speak ‘n spell.

Once they reached the porch Jeeves very carefully selected a handful of toys, both stuffed animals, the Speak n Spell, two of the puzzles and the xylophone, and arranged them carefully on the railing.

“Whatcha doin there?”

“Dees are gonna stay hewe so they don’t get diwty an I can take dem back inside.” Jeeves informed him matter of factly as he ever so delicately positioned the alligator and teddy bear besides each other.

Welp, so much for that plan. At least he’d gotten the recorder and maracas out of the house.

Pleased with his work, Jeeves toddled over to the top step and took a deep breath.

“GUYS COME WOOKIT DAH PWESENTS MY GAMMA SENT ME!”

 

As the air was filled with hellish squeaking and squawking, all to the background of shouting, singing children and entirely-too-loud maracas, and while all the adults in the house fearfully scrambled for the aspirin, Ham was nowhere on the scene. Instead, he was hiding away both from prying eyes and the impromptu “concert” on the lawn. He’d taken his hat off and set it in the grass beside him and with his shirt pulled up, Ham pulled open his hatch and peered at it, swinging the little door this way and that. He’d of course wondered about this odd bit of his anatomy many times, but all the warnings and scary stories of reality-altering events (combined with his own fear of suddenly not existing) had kept him from doing much more than wonder. 

He reached into the small bronze cavity, feeling along the smooth metal walls with a kind of disturbed thrill that he was actually reaching inside his body. He wasn’t really sure how this was supposed to work and he didn’t really want to ask either of his dads, sure they would want to bolt the thing shut. Jeeves didn’t seem to have a single problem with figuring his own void out. He still hadn’t been caught, despite making toys appear at the dining room table almost every night this week.

He closed the door and the latch made a small clicking sound. Did he have to imagine what he wanted or did it just appear? Nothing had come out of his hatch so far. Well, that he knew of. …Maybe he would start taping that shut at night. What should he try to summon? Was he really summoning anything or was he creating it from thin air? Probably questions for Hatchworth, but Ham still didn’t feel comfortable going to either of his dads for help. He would figure it out himself.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. What should he try to summon? Something small. Something not missed, just in case he was inadvertently stealing. An acorn. Sure! That was something small and simple. He slowly exhaled and concentrated. It occurred to him now that he also had no idea how to tell it worked other than opening the door. After a few minutes, he peeked inside. He waited a little longer. And then a little longer.

Ham closed his still-empty hatch and leaned back with a long sigh, steam trickling from his mouth. 

He was just about to give up and walk away when he heard a strange little noise that was almost exactly what a meow isn’t. He turned his head just in time to see a small creature waddle up and rub against his leg. It had pointed ears like a cat, but a wider head and slightly longer nose, with a white stripe down the middle of its head, interrupting the otherwise gray fur. All this ended in a thick and slightly stumpy tail. The whatever-it-is continued to rub circles around Ham’s leg, so he scooped the creature into his arms. It purred noisily, waving its stubby grey legs in the air as he cradled it like a baby. 

 

“Hey guys! Look what I found!” 

The cacophony of toy instruments died away as Ham’s cousins turned to see him jogging up with something in his arms.

“Wh-what is it, Easy Bake?”

“I dunno, but look!”

“Awww.”

{It’s cute…}

“Wet me pet it!”

“Be careful; it’s a baby.”

“A baby what?”

“I dunno!”

{Should you be touching it if it’s a baby?}

“I think th-th-that’s just for baby birds.”

“It touched me first, anyway.”

 

Even new parents know that when a group of children go suddenly quiet and are found crowding around something, it’s probably time to investigate. Steve hopped off the porch and wandered over, hands in his pockets. Junior was the first to spring away. 

“Whatcha got there, kids?”

 

“It found me.” 

There was a moment of worry as Steve realized the kids actually had a living thing, but the creature itself seemed unconcerned and even butted his little head against Steve’s fingers as he took it from Ham. He turned it side to side as it turned to lick its paw and then Steve’s thumb.

“What is it?”

“I dunno!” Ham was starting to sound exasperated now.

“But we’re calling it Spot!” Rabel announced rather insistently.

“It doesn’t even have any spots, Copperbutt!”

 

At this point, Peter had made his way over. He made a surprised sound behind his mask and plucked the creature from Steve’s hands.

“A badgerkitten! I guess there are still a few wandering around.”

“A what?” Steve asked flatly.

“Badgerkitten. Um, you know. Part badger, part cat. We tried to find all of them, but a few got loose and did what, well, what badgercat’s do.” He shrugged and handed the badgerkitten back to Ham, who cradled and petted it gently. “Sometimes they get back to the house, but I haven’t seen one in ages!”

 

There was a quiet pause before Steve was suddenly assaulted by four very excited children.

 

“Can we keep it!?”

“Pwease?!”

“We’ll take good care of it!”

“Pleeeease, oh please!”

Steve shifted uncomfortably and glanced over at Peter, who lifted his hands and took a step back, chuckling, “I believe this is all on you.”

“Oh thanks,” Steve groaned and rubbed his face. “Look, it’s okay with me, but it’s a lot of responsibility and you kids are going to have to clean up after it and feed it and you’re not even listening anymore, are you? No, no you are not.” 

The kids were already bringing the badgerkitten inside, discussing what it would eat and where it was going to sleep. 

“We still have to make sure it’s all right with your other dads!” Steve called after them, knowing that would also fall on deaf ears. Peter laughed and clapped the SOUND engineer on the back.

 

As they reached the porch, Jeeves was once again shrouded by his haul of toys, but this time he didn’t struggle to carry them all himself, instead dumping a few of the toys rather unceremoniously into Peter’s arms then toddling over to Steve to do the same.

“Tank you fow hewping me,” he stated brightly before gathering the teddy and alligator into his little arms and hurrying in after his cousins.

Peter looked down at the toys he was now apparently supposed to carry in for the tot and then to Steve.

“Yeah, I can see how he’s The Jon’s too,” he said blandly, earning a glare, and would have probably gotten a punch too if not for the full hands.

Not seeing another option they followed as Jeeves scurried after his cousins pleading for them to wait for him. They found themselves in the 4th sitting room where Michael, Sam, and The Spine where currently residing. 

 

The Spine knew they were on their way into the sitting room long before they appeared because Junior was excitedly telling him about their ‘new pet’.

{Ham found it! It came right up to him and it’s sooo cute, Mama!}

{Oh really now?}

{Yeah! Rabel wants to call it Spot and it makes the funniest noise}

The Spine smiled to himself as Junior came trotting in following Rabel and Ham who was still holding the creature like a baby in his arms.

“Hey what you got there?” Michael asked, not privy to the Wifi discussion. He set the laptop he’d been tapping away at to the side and hugged Rabel to him as the boy excitedly started talking.

“Daddy look! I named him Spot and we’re gonna make it a little bed and she licked my hand and - “

{And it rolls over so you can scratch her tummy!}

“Yeah! she rolls right onto her back so you can scratch her belly!”

The Spine smiled; it seemed Junior’s cousins had already gotten into a habit of repeating Junior for the benefit of those not able to listen to him through Wifi.

While Junior had picked up how to access and communicate through the wifi his cousins could only receive signals and hadn’t yet figured out how to access and navigate it themselves, much to all the parent’s relief because it gave Michael some time to try and set up a parent guard to keep the children from stumbling onto anything questionable.

 

Jeeves tottered in and set his stuffed animals in the center of the room, then turned to relieve Steve and Peter of their loads. The former flopped gracelessly into the seat next to Michael while the latter wandered off in search of coffee. Jeeves carefully arranged all his toys in a circle with him in the middle.

“Got some new toys there, buddy?” Michael asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

“Uh-huh! My gwamma sent me pwesents in da MAIL!”

“Wasn’t that nice of her!” 

Steve just grunted and rubbed his head.

“A badgerkitten, too?”

“Ham found hew!”

“She found me,” corrected Ham as he carried said badgerkitten over to Jeeves’ circle.

“And I guess we’ve already lost the fight on whether or not she gets to stay?”

Steve all but growled and Michael lost it. Even The Spine laughed.


	8. Chapter 8

“Aw yeah! This is a much better mount than an alligator!” Li’l Steve shouted, suddenly astride a confused little kittenbadger. “GIDDY UP!”

“Didn’t I lock you up in a box?” Steve sighed.

“You sure did! Remind me to headbutt you for that later. Onward, Valient Steed!”

But instead of charging, Spot rolled over. Pinning the doll under her as she purred and begged for belly rubs. 

Rabel snatched up the alligator and made soft roaring noises while Ham diligently watched over the scene to make sure Spot was safe. The alligator’s snout poked Spot’s belly, causing the creature to squirm and growl. Lil Steve’s cries for help were ignored, but he finally got free as Spot rolled to attack the alligator’s nose. The children cheered the battle on and the air was filled with little growls and squeaks as badgerkitten and ‘gator faced off.

Hearing the commotion, Hatchworth wandered into the room. Ham immediately jumped up and grabbed his father’s hand. 

“Hey Hatchworth, come see Spot!”

“Spot?” the bronze automaton questioned as he was led over to what was now apparently a fighting pit. The moment he set eyes on the badgerkitten (with Lil Steve once again attempting to remain on its back) Hatchworth’s curious smile faded behind his mustache and he took a small step back.

“Oh. How …nice,” he stated haltingly. Ham turned his head to blink in confusion.

“Sorry, Ham. I need to— … I have things to do. Be good.” He patted Ham on the head and quickly made his way out of the room.

“Dad?” Ham frowned, not sure what had happened here, but The Spine was already on it. He gave his nephew a smile and pat on the shoulder as he walked out of the room in long strides. 

“M-maybe he doesn’t like animals?” Rabel suggested. Junior shrugged his shoulders.

Ham returned to the circle with his cousins, though a bit quieter than before. 

This, Rabel decided, just would not do. and when Ham’s back was turned he carefully picked Spot up under her arms and lifted her up.

“Hey Ham.” Ham turned around curious and Rabel pushed the purring kittenbadger into his face where it happily began licking and cuddling him. “SURPRISE SNUGGLE ATTACK!”

Ham giggled and fell backward as Spot continued to cuddle him, and he hugged it to his chest.

“Oh no! The c-c-cute! It’s too mu-uch! I don’t think Ham’s gonna make it!” Rabel cried in a squeaky voice, then switched to tickling his cousin as Spot licked at his face.

Jeeves abandoned his toys and jumped into the fray, Junior skipping and bouncing around them, egging them on via wi-fi.

“Guys wait!” Ham shouted, and everyone froze.

He crawled over to the couch and set his glasses and bowler beside Michael, then shuffled back to his previous position. 

“Okay, I’m good.” And the whole tumbling tickling match started again

Steve couldn’t help but laugh as they tumbled about, Jeeves darting here and there squirming out of any attempts to hold him as Rabel and Ham stayed locked in a battle of tickles, Spot had waddled off and fallen asleep laying on Jeeves’ new stuffed animals, and Junior staying at the edge to periodically darting in to push someone off balance, unable to properly join in because of the size and weight difference him being a full robot created. 

Ham, a bit of steam floating from between his lips, made eye contact with Junior then with Jeeves. And Steve had the strange feeling something was being said neither he nor Michael could hear.

With a quick shove, Junior knocked Rabel off balance, Jeeves ducking behind him to make it easier to do as Ham tackled him and they dog piled the unfortunate child.

Rabel had just enough time to squirm and squeak out a demand to be let back up before Ham placed a finger on the end of Rabel’s nose, gently pushing his head back. Rabel went cross-eyed for a moment, then his expression became glazed and he stilled. 

“VICTOWY IS OUW’S!” Jeeves shouted, bouncing up and holding both arms over his head, tiny fists clinched. Steve reminded himself to have a little ‘talk’ with his son’s diminutive plaything about what was and was not proper behavior for a role model to teach a toddler.

They clamored back off him and Junior knelt down to turn him back onto his side. There was half a second of quiet before Rabel shook his head and frowned.

“You guys suck. That’s not fair!”

“You gotta admit it was a little funny,” Ham chuckled. Jeeves interest in the matter had waned and he wandered over to the sleeping Badgerkitten, laid flat on the floor, and stared, taking one paw in his hand as Spot slept on.

Rabel sat up properly and crossed his arms, grumbling and huffing steam from his cheek vents, as Ham snickered at him. 

“All’s fair in tickle war!” he chirped brightly and went to stand up, only to immediately wobble and sit heavily back down again.

Rabel forgot his pouting and was on his knees next to his cousin in a flash.

“You okay? W-w-w-what’s wrong?” 

It took Ham a moment to make his eyes focus properly and when he did he groaned and hid his face in his hands.

His head was spinning and ached and his stomach hurt and he was suddenly really really tired.

“D-d-daddy somethin’s wrong with H-ham!”

Jeeves gasped “Is Ham gonna DIE?!”

Steve and Michael scrambled off the couch. Steve scooping up Jeeves and reassuring him that no, that was not what was going to happen, while Michael knelt at Ham’s side and placed a hand to Ham’s forehead.

“How you doin’, buddy? What’s wrong?” 

Ham leaned his head on Michael’s shoulder, his eyes starting to droop. “I dunno but my head hurts Uncle Michael.” 

Steam tumbled from Ham’s lips as he spoke, making Michael bite his lip nervously.

“Steve toss me Ham’s hat.” Steve snatched it off the couch and passed it over so Michael could place it back on Ham’s head.

Immediately the steam that had been puffing from between his lips began flowing from the little stove pipe in his hat instead, making a whistling noise slightly quieter than that of a tea kettle, and Ham seemed to get the tiniest bit more alert.

“There we go are you feeling better now?” 

“I-i-i-i-i-is h-he gon-nna be okay D-d-daddy?” Rabel stuttered, worry exaggerating the trait.

Michael nodded and pulled him into a one armed hug while keeping the other wrapped around Ham’s shoulders.

“Ham’s gonna be just fine, so you can calm down. I think he just overheated, you know like Pappy does sometimes?”

“B-but I’ve never done that before,” Ham muttered, lips turned down in a worried pout.

“It’s nothing to worry about, you just need a minute to cool back down and you’ll feel just fine,” Michael continued reassuringly. Spot had woken up and clambered out of its stuffed animal nest and resolutely waddled over to Ham and snuggled into his lap, licking his palm before standing on its hind legs to ‘hug’ him. Michael watched it, muttering “We’re definitely keeping Spot.”

“I’m guessing you already called in the cavalry, huh kid?” Steve asked Junior who nodded

“He’s say’s Unca tha Spine an Unca Hatchwowth awe still busy but Daddy’s with Unca Sam so he’s coming.” Jeeves reported, Junior nodding along as he spoke.

Not more than a minute later Sam came rushing into the room, pulling Ham into a worried hug, with The Jon a few steps behind.

“Are you okay? What happened? Are you hurt?” he asked in a rush as he looked his son over, The Jon hadn’t known what was going on only that they should come as quickly as they could.

“I’m fine dad I just got dizzy,” Ham insisted even though he didn’t resist Sam’s hovering.

Sam looked to Michael who nodded. “Kid just overheated himself a bit, he’ll be perfectly fine but it’s not too fun an experience.”

Sam let out a relieved sigh and pulled Ham into another hug.

There was a squeak and a purr that made Sam pull away and look down, a furry head peeked up at him from Ham’s lap.

“It found me! Rabel named ‘m Spot an Uncle Steve said we could keep it as a pet,” Ham said, perking up considerably.

“I said if all the other dads said okay too,” Steve pointed out. Jeeves pouted on his hip.

“Yeah like any of us can say no to that face,” Michael pointed out, then looked down at Rabel, then at Jeeves “Or these ones for that matter!”

“We are such pushovers!” The Jon annouced gleefully.

“Papa I wanna get down,” Jeeves announced and Steve released him. He toddled over to his toys and took his brand new teddy bear, carrying it over to Sam and Ham holding it out in front of him. 

“My Gamma sent dis to me! Dat means it’s got extra loves so it’ll make you feel bettew supew fast Ham.” He pushed the stuffed bear into Ham’s arms.

“I’m fine, Jeeves, I promise!” Ham insisted, taking the stuffed animal anyway. Spot began to gnaw on its foot.

“See? It wowks!” Jeeves cheered.

It was a good ten minutes before Sam finally let Ham try standing, by which point he felt perfectly fine again. He still clutched the teddy bear unconsciously even as him and Rabel started setting up the blocks in a tower and bridge over Juniors back, Junior giggling the whole time.

Jeeves was showing off his new toy collection to The Jon who listened with interest as he presented his books and stuffed animals and various toys handing each to his Daddy in turn till the gold bot was sitting in a pile of play things.

“An Gamma didn’t send Spot, Ham found hew in tha back yawd but he’s gonna bewong to all of us an she wikes me!” Jeeves held the kittenbadger up by its armpits and he snuggled her to him. It started purring contentedly “See? She wikes me! Do we get to keep hew?”

“He’s gonna b-be the best pet ever!” Rabel chirped as he balanced a new bridge over Junior flank

“So wait,” Michael looked up from his laptop again “Is Spot a boy or a girl?” 

Steve, Sam, and Michael exchanged questioning looks.

Meanwhile Jeeves had passed the wriggling kit to The Jon who held it in his arms. “Spot’s a girl,” he announced cheerily.

“Good to know. You realize the vet is gonna be pissed when we bring in another pet right? We’re lucky he’ll look at Marshmallow.”

While the adults discussed possible issues regarding the ownership of a hybrid animal, the bridge and towers had grown into a small block city with Junior laying flat hidden beneath it. Rabel had gotten Jeeves’ new stuffed alligator which had drawn Jeeves back over to his cousins and he watched cheering as the horrifying monster ‘Jessica Alba’ rained fire down on the poor cities inhabitants (and somewhere Rabbit got a sudden sense of pride and giggled at apparently nothing) And Ham gave narration.

Just as it appeared all hope was lost JUNIORZILLA rose up from his resting place below the city and defended the citizens, flashing his external lights in patterns as he made growling and roaring noises. He reared back and pawed at the air dramatically and bringing his metal hooves (carefully) on either side of the doll as they all cheered for the monsters defeat. 

Peter returned with his coffee and laughed as he sat in an open armchair and rubbed Spot’s tummy, taking a sip in that weird way he could without taking his mask off.

“Be carefull you guys, don’t want to get hurt or anything,” he calmly reminded them.

“Dun wowy Unca Petew we’we being extwa caweful!” Jeeves chirped happily as he bounced up from his seat where he’d been tossing ‘meteors’ into the fray.

Spot had apparently grown bored of Peter’s attention, and rolled over to waddle back to where the kids were playing, nuzzling immediately into Jeeves’ arms.

“Hey, Petey. We took a vote and you get to take Spot to the vet!” Michael announced.

Peter shifted in his chair and there was a distinct sense that he was raising his eyebrow at them. “Oh I am, now am I?”

“Yep, you already are going to be taking Marshmallow in soon and the vet’s already used to seeing you bring in weird animals.”

“You did not just call Marshmallow weird.”

“There is nothing normal about a cat that size.”

“… I’ll give you that.”

“She’s gonna need to get shots, registered, a full check up, spayed,” Steve started, bringing the conversation back to an actual topic. “We don’t want her ‘doing what Badgercats do’ as you so eloquently put it.”

Peter snorted, he’d known those words would come back to bite him the second he said them.

“Dad, whats Spayed?” Ham asked curiously. Steve flinched; he hated those kinds of questions.

Sam on the other hand, didn’t seem fazed at all.

“It’s something you have the vet do to your pet so they can’t have babies because sometimes if you don’t they get excited and run off to find a boy and get lost.”

Ham nodded in understanding and went right back to playing.

Steve shot Sam impressed look and Sam shrugged, “It’s how my mom explained it to me when I asked as a kid about the dog getting neutered.”

“Honestly I’m curious to see how Spot reacts to Marshmallow,” Peter wondered aloud as he took another sip of his coffee.

“Well she’s reacted to everything else by rolling over and begging for affection so I think they’ll get along swimmingly.”

Rabbit poked his head into the room, asking “A-a-are you guys comin tah dinner or am I g-gonna have to eat it all myself?”

Rabel giggled as he rushed to give his Pappy a hug, bouncing as he begged “Pappy can I have a p-piggy back ride to dinner?!”

Rabbit looked down to gently tell him no only to be met with a pair of heterochromatic puppy eyes pleading up at him and realized that wasn’t going to happen. 

“Course ya can sport!”


	9. Chapter 9

The children had spent the morning playing cowboys, the backyard becoming a makeshift rodeo with Rabel acting as Rex Marksley and Junior as the wild mustang he was trying to tame. By the third successful buck Rabel was more than a bit winded and Junior was looking rather pleased with himself as Ham laughed and helped his cousin dust the dirt off himself.

Jeeves came toddling out of the house, paused at the edge of the porch, and hollered as loud as his little lungs could manage.

“PAPA SAYS IT’S TIME FOW WUNCH!” turned on his little heels and marched back inside.

Inside, Peter had again been roped into helping out with the kids and was setting the table for lunch, setting a plate of grilled cheese on the floor next to Jeeves who was sitting cross-legged and pouting.

“Don’t give me that face Jeeves,” Sam said, not even bothering to turn around from making the rest of the grilled cheese sandwiches. “I told you what would happen if I heard another ‘OH UNCLE SAM!’ so you get to eat that on the floor today.” 

Ham snickered as he climbed into his own seat, leaning over to pat Jeeves on the head only to get a tongue stuck at him in response.

“I-i-i think I mighta dent-ted somethin’ on that last dismount.” Rabel grumbled as he tried to reach far enough to check where he’d suspected the dent could be.

Junior came in last, slower than his cousins. Peter’s attention was drawn to the way he was walking, as if trying to hide a limp and shaking his left hind hoof every few steps. He moved around the table and dropped to a knee asking softly “Is everything alright Junior?” 

Junior ducked his head down, looking at the floor and fidgeting with his fingers as he nodded.

“Something’s wrong Junior, what is it?” Peter hadn’t taken long to understand how painfully shy the tiny spinetaur was. Honestly reminding him a bit of his own childhood quietness.

Junior bit his lip, and his optics flickered up to Peter’s mask and down again before he muttered in his quiet voice,

“—My hoof hurts.—” He shook it as if for emphasis.

“Well how about I take a look at that and see if there’s anything we can do, huh?” Gently he took the hoof in hand, letting Junior lean on his shoulder to keep balance as oh so carefully Peter inched the plates apart, recognizing their layout as being amazingly close to The Spine’s. 

Junior hid his face in Peter’s collar and made little sad noises as he searched for the source of the child’s discomfort, muttering soft reassurances as he went.

“No flower scarf today?”

Junior shook his head.

“Why not?”

There was a pause, and Peter wondered if he was going to get an answer.

“—Jeeves makes them; he didn’t come outside.—”

He smiled behind his mask.

“Maybe he’ll make you one after lunch if you ask him nicely.”

Junior nodded

“You know I think I might have just found the problem if I can just - AH! GOT IT!”

A rock, a tiny jagged-edged pebble had wedged itself in the ankle mechanism and was what had been causing Junior such discomfort.

“Does that feel better?”

Junior slowly put weight back on his hind leg, carefully testing it with a serious look on his face. 

Then it split into a huge grin and he hopped in place testing it out more.

He giggled happily. “It stopped hurting!” 

He grabbed Peter in a tight hug and behind his mask he was smiling just as widely as he returned it.

“Glad I could help, now what do you want for lunch? I think we still have some spinach you could have.”

Junior nodded enthusiastically and skipped after him to the kitchen.

With everyone settled in Sam and Peter sit to eat lunches of their own.

Jeeves watches Peter curiously for a second from his seat on the floor.

“Unca Petew?”

“Yes Jeeves.”

“How do you do that?”

Peter takes another bite of his tuna on rye. “do what?”

“Dat, how do you eats stuff wifout taking youw mask off?”

Peter pauses, sets the sandwich down, and exchanges a glance with Sam.

“Honestly? I have no idea. But it works. Same way I don’t know how people know when I’m smiling or frowning at them.”

Jeeves nods seriously. “Oh.” and goes right back to his lunch.

Michael came bouncing into the kitchen cheerily announcing “There’s my boy!” as he spotted Rabel, who beamed at him as the one man band kissed his forehead and ruffled his hair.

“You gettin ready for our trip Rabel? it’s comin up quick and your grans really excited to meet you.”

Michael paused to look down at Jeeves who was still eating his sandwich from his plate on the floor.

“Oh Sam?” he asked the mustachioed man, who simply nodded.

Rabel gulped down his bite so he could excitedly respond.

“Yeah! I got alllll the stuff you t-told me to, Pappy helped me!”

There’s a table-wide wince among the adults. The last time Rabbit was allowed to pack for any trip, they had ended up with a suitcase full of belts and another filled with party hats and toothpaste.

“That’s - great - I’ll just double check it before we go.” He patted Rabel on the head as he wondered just what he was in for.

There was a *clang* that made them all jump as Junior all but smacked his fork onto the now empty plate, practically prancing to the sink to rinse it off in his excitement.

“Well someone’s excited about something.” Sam chuckled

“Dat’s a’cause Unca Tha Spine said he can play with him in the HOW today.” Jeeves pipes up, glowing blue eyes peeking up from the edge of the table, scootching his own empty plate onto it. “I’m done. Can’I get offdah floow now?”

“If you promise to remember that food stays on your plate and I’m not here for picking it back up for you.”

Jeeves gave a very serious and solemn looking nod “I pwomise.”

“Thank you, now you can go play.”

As he skipped off Michael shot him a questioning look “Were you really gonna have him keep eating on the floor if he -?”

“pff, no. But it worked to get the point across.”

Junior snickered as he skipped out of the room, giddy to get to help his Mama out.

Marching into the Hall of Wires, Junior’s eyes went straight for the ceiling, trying to work out where in the organized chaos of cords and cables The Spine could be. He tapped his hooves impatiently, which prompted a distant chuckle from high among the wires. 

“I’m coming, son,” The Spine called, appearing moments later as he wound his way towards the floor. 

“GREETERINGS JUNIOR!” QWERTY buzzed as one of its screens swung across the room. Junior ducked to just miss being clipped on the head. The centaurbot just grinned and waved.

The Spine sighed at QWERTY’s antics as he let himself gently drop into Junior’s awaiting arms. It occurred to him how odd this might seem to others, but Junior didn’t seem the least bit bothered, letting his father’s spine wrap snake-like around his shoulders. 

“You sure you want to spend all day watching me work?” The Spine asked as he placed a kiss on Junior’s titanium cheek.

“Mhm!” After making sure The Spine wouldn’t fall, Junior trotted across the room to a tangled pile of wires, neatly depositing his dad’s head in the middle of the mess. He sat on his rear with a metallic thunk and watched as The Spine worked, rerouting signals from old ports, repairing broken cables, and occasionally sending instructions to QWERTY, who whizzed busily about their heads. Junior even got to help out by catching discarded wires and depositing them in the garbage chute. 

As he worked, The Spine started to hum and then eventually sing, Junior joining in on the chorus of “Me And My Baby”. It struck The Spine as funny how much of a difference the lyrics meaning had now. The song concluded with a series of spinning kicks from Junior and The Spine wound himself around the smaller bot’s shoulders again.

“Next time, can I connect in? Pleeeeease?”

The Spine opened his mouth to turn him down, but who could resist those big glowing green optics? 

“We’ll see.”

Junior skipped gleefully over to the trap door which stored The Spine’s body, small metal arms extending down from the ceiling to lift the snakey ‘bot from his shoulders. Junior waited patiently as went through the process of being reattached to his chassis and rebooted. After a quick start-up diagnosis, The Spine stepped out towards his son.

“What say we go get a drink of water, then go outsi-si-si-si-si-si—” Steam hissed as The Spine’s head twitched violently to the side and one arm went flailing. Junior instantly jumped back as the glitch overtook The Spine’s entire body, causing loud snaps and the groan of grinding metal. Without another glance back, Junior took off in a gallop, shrieking over both the wifi and his voice box. 

“UNCLE PETER! UNCLE PETER! HELP! MAMA’S IN TROUBLE!”

The speeding centaur very nearly bowled Michael over and actually did manage to knock Rabel to the floor with a loud clanking of copper. He skidded to a stop, a look of pure panic on his little face. 

“MAMA’S HURTING!” Junior cried as Michael swiftly helped Rabel back to his feet. He gave quick instructions for both kids to ‘stay here’, then sprinted off. Peter VI joined him halfway there, Rabbit just behind him.

Sam appeared a few minutes later to herd all the worried children into one room and reassure them that The Spine would be just fine. Malfunctions happen. That statement did little to deter the clear, oily tears in Junior’s optics. Rabel hugged Junior, Ham paced in a mimicry of a worried adult, and Jeeves loudly questioned whether Uncle The Spine was dying. 

After an hour of agonizing waiting, Michael and Peter finally reappeared, the latter carrying a rather disgruntled The Spine’s head curled tightly in his arms, the glowing tip of his spine twitching like an upset cat’s. 

“MAMA!” Junior jumped up and ran over, gripping the disembodied head in a tight hug. 

“I’m okay, son,” The Spine murmured, his voice slightly muffled in Junior’s collar, though the agitation was instantly melted away. 

“We isolated the malfunction to his body,” Peter said in a soft voice, resting a hand comfortingly on the boys head. “It’s going to take a little while to repair the damage, but he wouldn’t let us do anything more until you saw he was okay.” 

The Spine coiled around Junior’s neck and shoulders, using the tip of his ‘tail’ to wipe away Junior’s tears until he managed to coax a smile. 

“How ‘bout I stay with you while your uncles fix up my chassis?”

Michael and Peter exchange shocked looks as Junior nods his head. The Spine never liked to be far from his body, especially during repairs. Both engineers shrugged and Junior squeezed Peter’s torso in a hug, accidentally temporarily sandwiching The Spine between the two.

“Hey, Juniow an’ Unca Da Spine wook wike da ladies at da parade in Pwincess an’ Da Fwog!”

Junior immediately prances in a circle with his head held high, not a single care in the world, much to the delight of everyone else in the room. Even The Spine laughed. 

“Did I hear Ice Cream Parade?” he asked with a sly grin, then steeled himself for the inevitable race to the kitchen.

-

“An din - AN DIN! Juniow was CWYIN an we wewe all wowwied a’cause Unca Tha Spine NEVEW malfo-malfu-“ 

“Malfunctions?” Steve supplied, shifting Jeeves to a slightly more comfortable position as the tot excitedly retold the day’s drama. The curly haired tot had come running as soon as they were done eating ice cream and thinking up games to play with The Spine in his current state (most of which had been shot down rather quickly) to fill his Papa in on what he’d missed while he’d been gone getting Spot from the vet.

“YEAH! But, but Unca Michael an Unca Petew gots him kinda fixed and they’we still fixin dah resta him so he’s playin with us while he’s all -” he wiggled his arm loosely in the air to imitate The Spines, well, spine.

“That musta been really scary, are you okay?”

Jeeves resolutely nodded his head. 

“I’m otay, Juniow was weawy scawed but now he getsta play all day with his daddy so he’s happy.”

Steve nodded as the story went on, still struggling to hold Jeeves on one hip while trying to keep a steady grip on Spot’s carrier with the other.

As they reached their destination, a sitting room the kids had taken over and where a lot of Spots things had ended up in the week since they’d found her (or she’d found Ham as the children were all quick to point out), Steve carefully set the carrier down and slid his son off his hip, kneeling down and putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Now remember what we talked about Jeeves, Spot just got home from the vet and you guys are going to have to be super duper gentle with her for a while okay?”

Jeeves nodded so hard it made his curls bounce and his bandanna slip over his eyes.

Steve snorted, righting the red fabric and opening the carrier.

The gray and white mishmash of a pet came wandering out, wobbling as she did.

She only got a foot away from the carrier before her steps twisted and she plopped back, swaying her head side to side unsteadily as she tried to look around, the cone strapped around her head getting in the way and confusing her further.

“Why’s Spot got a twash can on hew head?”

It’s not a trashcan Jeeves,” Steve chuckled, helping the poor thing back to her feet and carefully directing her toward her bed “It’s so she doesn’t lick her stitches. We have to make sure they heal up right.”

“Stitches?”

After a few flopped tries Spot was able to lay down on her side, finding a position for the cone that wasn’t ridiculous and uncomfortable.

Steve pointed out where the stitches were clearly visible on her tummy.

“These, the vet will take them back out in about two weeks, we gotta be super nice to her till then. But she’ll be less wobbly in a day or two.”

“Oh dats good!”

“It sure is.”

As Jeeves scrambled from the room to shout at his cousins (“Hey guys! Spot’s tummy got shaved BAWD!), Steve turned to mark the calendar for Spot’s next vet appointment. He frowned and flipped to the previous month, then once again back to the current one before breaking out in a grin.

“Hey guys, guess what today is!” 

Michael and Peter turned their heads away from the work table where they were presently finishing up The Spine’s repairs and stared blankly at Steve. Junior hovered nearby with The Spine waiting impatiently to get back into his chassis and Rabbit leaned against the wall.

“Uuuh. Saturday?” The Spine ventured his guess, titanium backbone flexing in a queer imitation of a shrug.

“It’s been one month!”

Steve was treated to another round of vacant stares.

”..Since we became dads!” 

Realization finally dawned on the others, resulting in a few chuckles and smiles.

“So we’ve survived, huh?” 

Junior giggled and hugged his dad’s head.

“I d-d-dunno if ya get ta celebrate one month ‘a dadhood-ood, but I’d say we deserve it,” Rabbit grinned and poked Junior’s nose. “Considerin’ the lack ‘a warnin’.”

They don’t get much of a celebration, because only a second later, Rabel slumped into the room. “Da-aaaad, I’m HUNGRY!”

“And why do you think I’d have supper in here, Rabel?” Michael sighed as he lifted The Spine from Junior’s shoulders and helped him back into his chassis. Rabel just shrugged his shoulders and leaned against the wall. Rabbit chuckled and carefully guided both Junior and Rabel out of the room. 

“Let-let’s go see what Hatchy’s got cookin’, h-uh?”

“So have you guys decided what you’re going to do about shows yet?” Peter questioned, watching The Spine sit up and flex his arms and fingers. 

“Sort of. Sam’s decided he’s going to drop out of the band to stay with the kids during away shows.”

“We can’t just leave them with The Jon,” The Spine adds, carefully putting weight on his legs.

“So you’re going to need a drummer.”

The Spine sighed as he nodded. They’d gotten off so easily when The Jon decided to leave the band with Hatchworth being so eager to join.

Michael shrugged. “We’ll figure something out.”

As the kids’ footsteps disappeared down the hall and stairs and The Spine stood to test out the repairs, Michael went through cleaning up the workshop, pouring out cold coffee, and gathering their notes. The Spine gave his thumbs up after his diagnostics ran through, then made his own way towards the kitchen. Suppertime could be its own set of chaos.

Michael smiled to himself as he straightened the kids schematics, taking a minute to straighten Juniors which had somehow gotten folded at some point, then paused and frowned at a heap of notes and charts in Six’s messy handwriting. Setting aside their mugs, he flipped through the notes quickly before turning towards his masked friend.

“Wait - Peter, what’s this?”

“Oh just some data from that side project I was working on. Had some funny outcomes and I’m still sorting it out.”

“Are… Are these timestamps right?”

Peter turned to him and scoffed “Of course they are.”

“I - Peter you turned into a mechanical horse?! Four weeks ago? And you didn’t think to mention that?”

That just got a shrug.

“Eh, it was a weird experiment; I was able to copy down my own programming though so that was neat.”

“I know, I’m looking at it right now.”

Michael stared numbly between the two bits of programming in front of him.

“Peter.” 

Michael pushed the papers in front of the scientist, pointing from it to Junior’s programming.

“Do you notice anything?!”

Peter inspected the two, he’d looked both over countless times but never side by side and when he realized just what it was Michael was talking about he collapsed back into the rolling chair they rarely ever used and stared at the two programs.

“Michael.”

“You see it too right?”

“Oh my god. Michael!”

“I know.”

“But, But would mean -“

“I KNOW!”

The room felt like it was starting to spin as he let the rather inescapable news sink in.

“Junior’s my SON!”


End file.
